It is not a topic persons like to talk about in sobriety
I having to hang up on my child
This be my grandchild's mother
No more suggestions I have offer
They are exhausted
Yet
I must hang up after telling her
ENOUGH WITH THE EXCUSES
that's it
Then I get a call from her
After not calling her daughter for days
Is taking my inventory
As of she knows what the hell is going on
How she wants to talk to a lawyer about getting custody
of her daughter
How it would be easier that way to get her back
I told her exactly what the judge had to say
Get clean and sober
Give me a profile of yourself
I reminded her of this
I told her I will not agree
to giving the baby back in her care
until she does what she must
And that be a year sober and clean
A home for her and Eva
Clothes and food
This is when I will agree to let her go
Am I nuts
Or is my daughter really
Kidding
She thinks by lifting the responsibility I took on
is something I will give up without good cause
Really
Is she kidding
I ask her all the time
Are you sober
No
No
No
And I tell her when will you get sober
Then the violin comes out with the excuses excuses
I am sick and tired of being sick and tired
It is not a good feeling where I am right now
Sober I am another year
One day at a time
This my family can take with them
A sober mother
A sick sober mother
I need to get stronger
My body is failing me
My neck is worse then ever
Will ask for a MRI
something is up
What
I have no clue
But I feel it
It is strong
And I have to fight
Fight the fight
Have to fight the fight
Know that being sober
Nobody can take that from me
I have a job ahead of me
I need to feel wonderful
Not smothered with all this baggage
Baggage that isn't even mine

My Sunday meeting is my home group
My child's father will be there
And I want to not behave in a misunderstood manner
we share mutual people who know that he is my childs father
It will be uncomfortable for him not me
The weather does not allow that yet
But it is coming
And I have all intentions on speaking on many topics
that will pertain to him in many ways
This I cannot help
It will be spoken of
And he will be the only other one who knows the truth
This day will be a doozy
This I am prepared for
I think
As I leave what I cannot control
In my Gods hands
Only one day at a time
Letting go and letting God
will take some of my burdens off my shoulders
how having to be vigilant in it all
don't know
i cannot be fearful of anything
if i stand in the truth
my child has addict behavior
i have reason to worry
it is difficult
on so many levels

it is half past twelve
Eva's mother calls
can't shop today
maybe tomorrow
this is what it is reduced to
sad
sad
sad i am
Me

Note:
I was to post this elsewhere
Apologies
Me