Thank all three of you. Reading this helped me a lot.
Mark, I'm very sorry about Siri. I thought she would be adding punctuation but I guess not. I've gone back and edited this time. That must have been really hard on the head to read!
I feel bad that for example Bud has obviously had a much more severe injury than me, and yet here I am, seeming to have similar issues. It just seems odd. Btw, Bud, 2 of my kids laughed like crazy at my lack of control. But no, it definitely isn't funny to us.
Marc, carrying a slip of paper with you in case of needing to explain is a really good. I find explaining anything is very difficult. I've quite a few times felt very badly for a way that I reacted. Although I might be kind of afraid to hand a slip of paper to someone. I've become less confident through this all...hopefully that is temporary as well.
I try to recognize the signs, and Yesterday I stopped and decided not to tag along with my husband because I knew that I was on the verge of having some issues. I felt impatient. I was right and found that there were a few times during the day that I had to settle myself down. Besides sometimes he just wants company, and if I go, I'll be rotten company later.
I don't get a fast heartbeat, or at least not that I've noticed.
Certain things seem to set it off. When people make a remark without telling you what they are talking about (like "I'll have to call Paula tomorrow and ask her about that form. I have to have it completed and signed off by Monday's appointment"... My husband does this often. I have no idea who Paula is, or what form he's talking about, who's supposed to sign it off, and for what appointment. It drives me crazy! It didn't used to I would just calmly say "don't know what you're talking about" and he'd explain. ). Another antagonist is when people become frustrated with me. If my poor husband Dares to say anything to even insinuate that it is my fault I'm having a bad head day, I could tear wall paper off the walls with my fingernails I'm so mad and upset. (That's the only way I can describe it). I pray about it after being upset, but I need something at the moment to think of. I think graciousness could help.
Decisions are tough, and they make me anxious in a panic kind of way. One choice doesn't seem to stand out over the other no matter what it is, and Even if I make the decision, I still feel just as uncertain about the choice. If someone is waiting for that decision, it really does me in. I've learned to deal with this though by taking a deep breath, and just going with what I've decided regardless if I think it's a better choice, otherwise I feel as though I could go back-and-forth on the decision endlessly.
I'm going to try living purposely. I think that is a really good strategy. My husband wanted to go out yesterday because it was nice, but I knew first thing in the morning that to
It was not going to be an easy day for me so I decided to spend most of the day in the yard and invite him to sit with me if he wanted to. Although sometimes at these times it is best if I'm by myself.
I am also glad to know that it isn't necessarily true that I should be better by a certain time. Every time that I don't meet a hopeful timeline when there should have been more improvement, it makes me feel guilty. And my husband seems to then feel I have done something to prevent myself from getting better when actually that is what I want more than anything in the world. I've started to come to terms with the fact that this just may be what I'm dealing with. I know I can control the symptoms somewhat by not allowing myself to live for other people, and to Start living according to what I actually feel capable of.
Bud, I too received comments often about my patience and calm personality. Some people even said I was too calm, that there are times I Should have become mad and didn't. That was just who I was. Definitely Not who I am right now. But if I can control it, then maybe it doesn't have to be a bad thing. I don't know about you Bud, but I used to wonder why angry people couldn't just smarten up and bite their tongue. Haha. And here I sit.
I have always loved learning about the human mind, so I should be able to find some kind of happiness in perhaps learning about this condition we all struggle with. Later, of course. I'm not learning a whole lot very well right now. I don't want to focus on just My condition because I don't want to be consumed by it....but to help others somehow, I think that would bring some joy back to my life....much later.
Thanks again for listening and offer wig such good advice from all three. I Will enjoy the blue sky, and the birds singing, and I will continue to smell the flowers. [emoji170]


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