Father
Brother
Mother Mary

Bless us in this day

Awakened by that gut feel
Is my brain so badly wired
Am I not good enough
Did I not love unconditionally
Did I not do a good enough job
Did I fail them and I just do not see it
What is wrong with me
Why do people say they respect and love
who I am
And what I have to offer
In my weakest time
This is how I feel
Weak
Not a fight left in me
I want to come home
This is not where I belong anymore
I don't want to fight
I just want to be happy
Why oh why
Just a small run
And something else pull from under me

What were my daughters thinking
Last night my granddaughter had to go through
the pain of hearing mom and Titti
They put her through because of selfish reasons
My granddaughter hasn't heard from mom in days
Her excuse she is sick sleeping
Hanging out now with Corissa
Three way talking to Eva and her crying
I pick the phone up to hear both of them
And their broken promises
I will not answer the phone now
This should not have happened
For the last two days I had to console her
Only for them to make it real and her go through the
sad emotions of abandonment

My daughter not willing to help me shop for food
because I will not write a letter
Based on lies to reunite with her daughter
My child knows I have been waiting for her to get sober
I just asked her last week
How was sobriety doing
She says
Can't lie to you mom
I have been taking pain killers
I asked is it prescribed by a doctor
NO
so you buying this stuff off the streets
What make her think I would do that
Her thinking is ill take her off your hands
Because my youngest took flight
This Heavenly Father is this what we are to suffer
Is this the life I have with my granddaughter
I will call upon the city I worked for
Have help to get my granddaughter ready for school
Nobody
But nobody in her life
Regularly
It is when convenient for them

Heavenly Father
Bless us
Bless this day with happiness
Not sadness
My granddaughter
Still asleep next to me
Cried herself to sleep last night
I needed to rub her forehead
And sooth her wants and fears
She does not understand
Why the grown ups are behaving like this
My granddaughter sees I am hurting and comes to me
because she is holding it in
Just like I am and she sees that
She feels it
And I hate myself for it
Is this all my doing
Heavenly Father
Show me I am dining the right thing
I feel like I am utter failure
Why do people say they like who I am
What am I to remember
To give without expecting anything in return
Even this
May I put all my pain in your hands
Please Father
Come to me
I need You so badly
Today I have things to do
Doctors car shop
Help me and my grandchild in this sunny sad day
Bring me to the place you want me to be
Letting You sooth my fears and dreams
Is there light at the end of my tunnel
Love