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Joselita · 07-06-2007, 09:04 AM

Ada,
Sweetie...I so understand how you are feeling right now. I am sending you

.

I have been trying to face a situation that is pretty much the same here. Jay is going to be leaving to go to Embry-Riddle in Prescott, AZ next month. After that, I have about a year until Meghan gets married and moves out. David (her fiancé) has a job here, working for the Pantiac/GMC place here in town, but he might be able to relocate and make better money. Meghan will be done with her Cosmetology school by then, and will be looking to get established somewhere with her own clientele. Even if they didn't have those things going on...I do remember how it is to be a newlywed and trying to get your stuff figured out for yourself (WITHOUT "Momma's Advice" and what not), and how they won't have much time for other things. Not with working so much, and trying to get their own stuff going (and of course, trying to spend as much time as possible with each other. LOL...we all remember how that is..right?).

I will be here alone. While I can do lots of stuff for myself, there are things that I can't do...and there are times that I can't do much at all. I need help doing those things, and I need help getting back and forth to my doc's office in another town....and ESPECIALLY when I have any kind of procedure done. That is a lot to ask a kid that is just starting out, and trying to figure her own stuff out to deal with too...you know? Especially when she would be the only one around to do it. Not too fair to her, I don't think. Nor to David, either. I don't want to make a weird situation with him, or cause him to resent me, or feel that interfering or whatever.

So....I imagine that I will be here by myself for at least a few months. Then, I am going to be moving out to AZ. Not to Prescott where Jay will be, because he will have LOTS of stuff that he is doing and has to do. He is going there to major in Aerospace Science, and to become a pilot. That means that he will have even less time then if he were just going to regular type classes, because he has all of this flight school/time that he has to do on top of all of his other classes. So, I will be heading down to Tucson. That is about.....5 or 6 hours away from Jay in Prescott. And about 8 hours away from my folks in Vegas.

Moving to Las Vegas wouldn't be a good option for me. While I LOVE my Momma to death, her and I living in the same town would get....well...weird. She would be all kinds of over protective (Shoot, she is now, when she is what? Almost 1700 miles away from me here? LOL), and we would wind up driving each other crazy. So, it is down to Tucson for me....where I love it, and where I am basically from anyway.

I have lots of family there in Tucson still. I have two sets of Aunts and Uncles, one grown cousin (her sister recently moved to Dallas...and I am betting that she is in some MAJOR Climate shock, what with all of the rain and crazy weather that they have been having there), and two younger ones (my mother's brother's girls are teenagers now). But, even more....my brother lives there too.

Greg has a bunch of health problems himself. He is HIV +, (actually, from what I understand from my Mom [who gives me more info about this stuff sometimes], with his readings from his last couple of blood testings and what not, he is more on the AIDS side of things than the HIV side) and at times needs help getting around to his docs and stuff. He also has two kids (Alex who just turned 11 and Abbey who just turned 8. Both of their birthdays are at the tail end of May, only a couple of days apart), and has been fighting with his x wife (a SUPREME Bee-yatch from Hell!!) for regularly scheduled visitation (she keeps on messing with him, and not letting him see the kids...so he is taking her back to court to get visitation enforced. It is a long, sordid soap opera type story....I won't get into all of that here though, not right now). He is still working full time, too. Recently, he has been having some awful troubles with his teeth, among other things. Sad to say, that he has been getting LOADS of **** from doctors offices that he has been being referred to, because of his HIV/AIDS status. I worry that he will get ****** and start not getting some of the treatments done at other docs offices that he needs too, because of all of the jerking around that he has been made to go through.

Anyway, I figure (well...HE and I figure, I reckon I should say, since we have talked long and hard about this) that I could help him, and he could help me...and between the two of us, we could get along pretty well. He could help me when I need it, and be there for my procedures and what not, and I could be there for HIM, and fight the docs and/or their office workers (I have gotten good at that) when they try to give him the run around and discriminate against him for what he has....and take him to the things that he needs to be taken to, including any hospital stuff and/or procedures that he might need too. I can also help him with his kids, and be there so that his wonderful ex wife can't say "He can't visit with the kids, because he is unable for........" whatever reason. I will be there, and can look after a 11 and 8 year old perfectly fine. Shoot, that will be easy after going through the teenage stuff with my kids! ROFL

And, while we do have our Aunts and Uncles there.....it is easier to ask for help from someone that you feel MUCH closer too, like your sibling. You know what I mean? My Aunt and Uncle would be there to help too....but neither one of us would have to call on them so often for so much help all of the time. You know what I mean?

Besides....I won't feel so alone, and neither will he. That makes a big difference too.

I know that it is hard when your kids have their own things pop up that they need and want to do...and you feel like you don't want to be a "burden" or some sort of problem for them....but are scared silly about the thought of what you are going to do when they aren't there all of the time. I so understand that, because even though I am sitting here writing all of this stuff about all of these plans I am making, and sounding all glowing and happy about it.....part of is still very sad and very scared. I simply won't know what to do with myself when the kids aren't around here any more. I have always been a Mom, and taken care of things...and had them to look out for, and to be with. I am having trouble wrapping my brain around how all of that will change very shortly. I know that I will still be, and ALWAYS will be "Mom", and that they will always need me around and what not.....but I also know that they won't too. I guess that it is the change that is scaring me and making me sad.

I do agree that going up to Canada might not be the best option for you...at least not right now. I am assuming that the climate there is much different from where you are in CO? I am assuming that it is much cooler there year around, and much, MUCH Colder there in the Winters (that I know will last longer, or seem to, anyway). Canada is a HUGE Place....so I guess that it would depend on what part they are moving to as to how humid it will be? Do you know what part or where in Canada they are going to? Maybe someone here is from there (I know that we have Canadian folks here...what I mean is that maybe someone here might be from where ever your kids are heading to. LOL...I think that I am not saying things right. That happens lots with me lately), and can help give some info about year round temps, and temps in the Winter, and then their Spring actually starts, and how long their Summers are, and how warm they get....and how HUMID it is and how often. If you are considering going up there at all, all of that kind of stuff is stuff that you would need to know before making that decision. Plus....would YOU have the access to medical care and the same costs/benefits/whatever as a Canadian Citizen? I don't know....and that is something to find out too. We just can't get by without Insurance coverage of some sort, and we all know how Insurance companies love to look for ANY reason to deny payment for treatments. Plus, if you do go with the kids, and then come back...would you have troubles getting your Insurance or Benefits back and reinstated?

Also...it probably would be a good idea to go ahead and get yourself (and tell your kids to, too!) started on the business of getting a Passport! If you are thinking of moving there, you will need one.....and if you ever go to visit the kids, you will need one for that too now. They will FOR SURE need Passports. The Passport dept (ummmmm...which ever one it is that handles all of that. I know yu can apply for them at Post Offices and such...but I am talking about the department that actually issued them) is SUPER back logged right now. I think that it is only for this Summer that you don't need a passport when going up there for a short visit. But you WILL need one if you even are on a plane that stops in a Canadian (and Mexican) airport, and if you drive across the border. The driving thing is fixing to come up.....and things will be delayed all over again when that happens (they are delayed now for the airport thing, and because of it. My folks are going to Quebec in just a few weeks, and they applied for their Passports [well, my Mom applied for one. My Dad had to renew his and renewals are backlogged too] at the end of May...and won't have them in time for their trip). I am sure that you have heard about all of this on the news for the past little bit.

I know that if you stay, you will miss your kids and your grandsons. But, I am sure that they will come and visit? Like I said....I know that is different then having them there and around all of the time, because I am facing the same thing with my kids....but they WILL want to visit, and you WILL get to see them during the 4 to 7 years that they are up there. I forget how old your Grandsons are now...but aren't they getting close to starting High School? They might want to come down here for some schooling....especially if they have already started 9th grade. They probably will want to go to college down here? It will be nice for them to be able to stay at Grandma's if that is the case. You know?

I know that all of this has pretty much probably thrown you for a lop, Sweetie. But, I also know that you are strong. You will make the best decision for yourself and everyone involved. This is all scary in so many ways...but I know that you will get through it. You are NOT alone, no matter where you go, or what you do. We are all here with you and for you too. I know that you are probably scared that all of this will make your depression worse....but maybe not? I know that I worry about that for myself, with all of the stuff coming up here. But...if we lean on each other, we will make it through alright. I promise that I am here for you...and that you can call on me whenever you want or need to...and that I will understand. Change is always scary...and you are facing A LOT of change right now, no matter what you decide to do. I am too. But, we will both do what is best, and make it through all of it OK. YOU will make it through this Ok. You are strong, and you are a survivor. You have to be, to have made it through all that you have.

I am sorry that this wound up being another book here. I really just wanted to let you know that I DO Understand what you are going through with all of this....and that you aren't alone....and that you can always count on me (and other folks here too..I know that too!) for a shoulder, a talk, or just to listen. Remember that, Ok?

Lots of Love and

Jose

PS..I am sending you a PM..so look for it, Ok?
Love,
Jo