I wrote a complete answer to you and it all disappeared on me. lol.

So I'm going to re-write the shortened version.

You asked "Has Alan always been so insensitive to your feelings? "

Absolutely. He doesn't know any better. Talking and explaining goes nowhere.

My friend's husband is the exact same way.

Some men receive and don't know how to give. It's not in their nature.

And while, once in a while he does say thank you, it is not at all nearly enough for what I have done. I have literally saved his life by doing the Heimlich maneuver on him.

He calls me a nazi now because I make him go out and walk (he uses a walker). So between the P/T and acupuncture, here's hoping he can do a bit more by himself.

But I will NEVER do what I did last year. Sleep by his hospital bed, go back and forth in cabs every day. Completely drained me. I have to think of myself. Might sound selfish but actually I do not care anymore. Been doing this for 10 years now. My son took off 14 years ago and never looked back. He's a real piece of work. Nothing I can do about that either. I got professional help and I have lots of borders up. They will stay up.

If I don't try and find some joy in my everyday life, I might as well die. And I'm not dying for anybody.

Oh, and you'll love this, while he was in the hospital last year, one of his family members put this all on me. She said 'Well, you allow this, it's your fault". I carefully explained that for 8 or so years he had a recurring foot ulcer and I was instructed by his doctor to NEVER LET HIS FOOT TOUCH THE FLOOR." We had to work through crow boots and off loading shoes, and the correct orthotics, It took years to get it right and for the past 4 months or so, no more foot ulcer, but that took years. When I explained all this, this is what I got "Well, we don't know why you stood by him for so long".

So as you see, no support, no nothing. But I remember, oh boy, do I remember. I have an eidetic memory. I don't forget ANY conversation I have ever had with anybody. I remember all conversations, many tv shows, I can recite verbatim, most of the Star Trek episodes, and some movie dialogue. Impresses the heck out of people. Doesn't impress me anymore. I think it's all the Methyl B-12 that I take. But I do speak a few languages and that helps me a great deal if I go out and I meet people. I'm going to make you laugh.

This morning, neighbor was conversing with her brother in Italian. I am Italian but I speak other languages also.

She introduced me to her brother, I said (In Italian), now nice to meet you, my name is Melody. He looked at me as if to say "Wow, she speaks good Italian". My neighbor then laughed and said "She's International".

I laughed my head off.

See,we have to laugh every day or else we would die. And I'm not dying for anybody.

Melody