My husband said he couldn't get Monday or Tuesday off to take me to the DMV because his boss had booked him on a big job those days, but would try to see if he could get Wednesday off. I don't know why he didn't ask when he was in this boss's office. He won't call to ask for a day off for some reason and will wait until he's in the office again (whenever that is). I was ******. I brought up the cab again, so he got ******. The most impatient man in the world doesn't understand why I'm in such a rush to get my license back, and he's even suspicious of it.

That sparked a worse fight. He's a beer drinker, but drank over 1/2 bottle of vodka last night. He was out of control and got absolutely vicious. He threw everything at me and he has plenty of material, so do I, but it's just too dangerous to try to use. I made the mistakes of 1) trying to defend myself and 2) walking away instead of just sitting there and taking it like usual which made matters worse. Fortunately the fight didn't last too long because he didn't get home until around 4 and drank all the booze so fast he passed out just after 6:30, but plenty of damage was done.

I'm left in a familiar situation: I'm going to feel sick all day dreading him coming come because I don't know what to expect. I always wait for him to talk about it first which is an extremely uncomfortable wait. His behavior last night was not acceptable. There's nothing of significance I can offer at this point that won't spark another fight. If he's looking for an apology, he'll be disappointed because I did nothing wrong and I refuse give him one to appease him this time.

Somehow I doubt he's going to be taking a day off to take me to the DMV, but I have bigger problems than that at this point.

I was considering going to the club, but I think that would anger him. He clearly prefers his bird in its cage. I shouldn't go until I'm sure he's calmed down.

Before things got heated, I told him if he was concerned about the club, he should visit and he would no longer be concerned. He said he wasn't worried about it (a lie). It is open on weekends, but he won't go because he's not comfortable with mental illness. He doesn't like me to refer to myself as mentally ill and isn't comfortable talking about anything besides the basics like med changes or if I'm having an episode. He's aware that some of the members there suffer from moderate to severe disability due to mental illness and he wouldn't be comfortable around them because of that.

He talks constantly about his suffering and tells me to try to put myself in his shoes and I try, I really do. But I'm not allowed to bring up my bipolar disorder at all without him erupting because he feels the fallout has hurt and maligned him worse and it's not an excuse. He feels the same way about the MS, although he doesn't lose his temper over it because he knows that I can't help that, but he thinks I can control my bipolar disorder.

I hope there is peace soon. I have been stable for a while now, but I don't know how long I can endure this kind of agitation without it jeopardizing that. I am brittle.