I all my life
When a young mother
Still had my priority straight
My children were incorporated in every decision I ever made whil they were in my care
My son still cannot say I paid a rent phone or pse&g bill on hi own he never experienced
The moment he left the house
he hung on someone always
And still does
Responsible my *****
Not once have any of my children known
what its really like having to be responsible for another human being
A job I took on
So like my eldest said not to long ago to me
And that was
It's my job to take care of them
as I reminded her the reasons I had to file for bankruptcy in all my life
I never missed a rent
Never did I miss an obligation
May it be the phone gas and electric
car insurance renters yup I knew to have renters in my early twenties
But my credit cards that purchased everything a person needs to be clothed at the age of thirty buying bras underwear glasses clothes shoes sneakers boots a warm coat cloths to dress up
This she said at thirty was my job
I told my eldest
I do not know where you get off saying such lies
As her husband was out of work for two years
How over money and material possessions is our astrangement
forgetting all I had done
But most importantly never abandoned them
Took my son by the hand as a young man to find his nitch in the world of fun
He having problems socializing
My grandchilds mother calling off the hook again yesterday
A journal this has become
To let loose about the reason things are the way they are
It is a painful thing to go through
My Father at my side at all times
To have the strength come to me when I ask the
Father to come to me and strengthen me for the day
And my wish be granted
My father comes to me
And when I ask in his name to please come to me
Save this one very sad mother
Who needs to be strong for her grandchild
For her mother to call and tell me how she does not know what to do anymore
I asked get a note after each meeting
Take random drug tests
Go to church
Use a network that works the program
What am I told in response
I will never do that
That is what my daughter said to me
She will never do that
I told her the judge is awaiting a profile on your life since the baby was given to me to watch over
She is smart
Well rounded under the circumstances
She is precious
And for the first time her father taught her to lie
As if it was no big deal
I told my daughter this
What is is do they want her to be a child of lies and trouble
That is not who she is
She is giving loving ask any question she wants and I will explain to the best of my ability
She know how to write her name
The months
The week days
Her birthday
Her abc
123 to 100
Addition
And subtraction
Will say a word such as book and say to me
Mimma book starts with b right?
And 100% of the time she is right
She is gifted
Loves to draw
Has a UNBELIEVEABLE imagination
The thing she builds with the abundance of Legoes
Incredible I tell you just incredible
Love to cook with me
All my life I worked around my children
Took them into consideration with every decision I had to make on life alone with four children
Heavenly Father only you know the adventures I have taken in life
Always for the better of my children
What could I leave them
All that mattered
That I be remembered
Being the best possible person I could be towards another

That's all
To be kind to one another
Still waiting
Still waiting
Heavenly Father
In Jesus I trust
In You I believe
I don't want to feel sadness anymore
Lift my Spirits dear Father
I will continue to do you work I my day
Love
Me