Father
Brother
Mother Mary

Blessings I receive I thank you for

It is hard to think that even in this very hard time
I cannot make it
The loneliness is something I am not used to
Is this You telling me to be still
Have You taken over the wheel
Have You felt my pain
Did You come to lift it
Alone I am
My children I do not understand
My eldest and I arguing over the situation
with her sister my youngest
She is not okay
Sickle cell trait
Kidney problems as a infant right side 1/2 removed
Second sugery removing what was called the mega stump
as she still had problems
Now a 99.999% chance my children have it
My son I just found out through my eldest yesterday
He is NOT taking his meds for his bi-polar disease
I beleive a direct result of the mutation
He still yet to be tested
My eldest will have the epilectologist test her
after a huge fight of the importance of being tested
She finally submitted to the idea of being tested
Releaved yes
Yes if course
Heavenly Father
My third child on a road the just
goes in circles
She is not interested in getting a proper job
What is a proper job
Anything that would not allow her to get high
Heavenly Father
I cannot do this alone
Of You I spoke of
To my eldest
She talks about me being prideful
I express I have You how brought me this far
I hope not to fail
As I cussed You yesterday
Forgive me
Help me I was dead
Dead
I just want to die
that I do not want this pain anymore
My dear sister who is not a mother
however in my children's lives
She was the one to take them to the carnival
action park
Great adventure
The shore
The movies
You name it she did it with them
They went without wanting
We I as their mom made sure they were involved in school activities holding excellant grades
It is a travesty what the father of my children did when we split
Young I was with my babies alone
Nobody knew for three months
Nobody
Not even the owners of the building
Mr and Mrs Tambone
Long time passed
We're in love with me and my babies
And life alone with my babies
Having to return to a full time job
So I could get the help promised by my
mother
Come take the apartment
Knowing I would take care of everything
OCD a wonderful thing for her
My rewards since I could remember
Love = taking care of the family and order in the home
I was constantly cleaning something
Organizing something
Or the projects I did for my parents
No child should have to work for love
My sisters I protected from my father
Or so I thought I was
Where is my God as a young mother
Pride
No
Experience
Yes
Educated in uncharted waters
Yes
Pride
No
No
Not the kind person I would want in my life
Today's world is loosing touch with the simple things in life
How much change in just my children's generations
Keeping You close to me throughout my lifetime
Who is always there ready for me
Allow me to humble myself
Forgive my shortcomings
Stay strong in my head
Do not let my mind roam into the thoughts of
any sadness or fear
I have reason to worry
You are my Savior
My everything
I did not get to where I am alone
You carried me when I couldn't walk
You are real
Your promised real
Your Son real
My heart real
My mind yours
My soul yours
Do with me as You would like
Heavenly Father
Lift my sorrow over my children
I do not understand
I do not know why
I have always known better
You instilled that in me
To all those who claim to be my friends
This I do not have
The ability to trust
As when I try
The rug gets pulled from under me
I am aware of my blessing
The songbird sings instinctively the beautiful tune
one belts out
The trees with the leaves to the tip top of them
sway and talk to one another as they sway in harmony
I am not a failure
I am not a mistake
I am not a doormat
I am not without God
I do have confidence
Not arrogance
My loving sister is food shopping for me
Bless her day with your loving touch
Give her what I would love her to have
Your touch
In Jesus I trust
I God I believe
Love
Me