In advance I would like to say thank you for reaching out
It was on a sunny brisk march morning I was getting ready to go to my first AA meeting that was in 1990
It was only in 1992 I began to understand some of the things said
Such as staying away from the first drink
Just didn't get it
I did not get arrested ever
I never looked the part
I was never ordered to enter AA
it was something I recognized
I never since I left my home at seventeen
missed a rent payment
Never
I never missed any of my financial obligations
Including feeding and clothing my babies
Neither of my children's fathers were honest and lied about their financial status
Upon my divorce with three babies
No financial support
Ad nobody holding him accountable
I ALWAYS FAUGHT A LOUSEY SYSTEM THAT IS ALIVE BUT NOT UTILIZED IN A FASHION THAT WOULD ACTUALLY WORK
BUT NO THE CORRUPTION IS OUT OF CONTROL
nevertheless
I took on the job a busted my butt
I would look back and can see when I lost my privileges to a drink
After some number of years I developed princess hours
A hardcore full time overnight worker
Bringing in good money for the business
Twelve years full time
Tuesday night to Sunday morning
My nights off were Sunday and Monday
I also had been that mom on the block as we had the huge backyard I took care of
Loved it
Weeding was soothing
Especially on a crisp sunny morning
I miss that
I wish I owned my own home
With that it yard
Only if I win the lottery
Back to point
My disease was lifted after two years trying it my way
And once the obsession is lifted it does not stop there
This is where you and I are simultaneously
Only all my children are addicts in one way shape or form
And to have found a mutation (MTHFR MUTATION)
And to see the symptoms they harbor
Each and everyone of them on a very serious level
Gave them the information
And if they do not take action on the information
It's on them
And it's a big deal
Make no mistake
It is newly found
My eldest is in denial
As a recovering alcoholic
I understand addiction
I doesn't have to be only drugs or alcohol
I suffer from OCD err to the orderly and clean
And aware of it doesn't make it easier
We are diseased
I was predisposed
It spun out of control acquiring princess hours
And got off early one in the morning
Point
This is where I lost it
My managers
And in my career waitressing went through
Five overnight managers
Even the three brothers gave it a try
What try you wonder
Well
When I got the okay I could leave early
I would have a drink ready in advance awaiting

3/4 vodka
Even more
A splash of cranberry
Then would go to the bar up the block for a few more
This is where I know it all started
Hence I beg my daughter not to work that kind of job
I did it for reasons
She has no reason other then getting high
She has her license to be a phlebotomist
A degree in culinary
I don't get it
We are not to be their punching bags
And it damn hurts
I tell my children
Please tell me how not to care
Not to cry my heart out
Coming this far only to be a slave to pills
Never to have abused them to date
And if I should ever am to entertain such a thought
I would dump the pills and pick up a drink
I know what drinking does
When I was a young mother
Wine was alway with our dinner
Not a problem
To have accumulated time in AA is not something I agree with
For this person
As the serenity prayer so beautifully put
"And the wisdom to understand the difference"
We control ourselves
We have to stop being that punching bag
The hardest thing I am still going through
Is not talking to my children for the act of not talking to them
is so difficult
To hear they are not doing well hurts
I know the ROAD one must follow
You my dear friend have to become a bit selfish
he is not in a position to see what is going on
When active as he is
And verbally punching you
Time to get out of the way
My children have put themselves through so much already
You wonder when you get that phone call at a unnatural hour
and know something is wrong
I'm just afraid one day it will say to me
We need you to come and identify the body
You get it don't you
I have reason to worry
However
You and I are NOT WELL
we need to be well so if we choose to deal with them
they do not strip us of our power
I am here to help empower you
I come here and write my life away
It helps
It helps ME
NOW HELP YOURSELF
let's just do the only thing we can
PRAY
Remember
Going into the rooms
Must be his choice
And also once lifted if ever lifted
One needs to maintain in order to sustain
You are a awesome sister
He will one day see this
Time to pull back
Not walk away
Just step down
We are going through this together
I get it
Love yourself
We are not doormats
Here if you need me
Don't know what happened to yesterday's post on open profile
Live
Love
Me