This has been a tough day for me. Back hurts so much of the time anyway, yesterday I sat in the lawn chair and bent over to do a little weeding. I can not know what I can do unless I try? Then came in the house and was cooking, mind was worn out, I should have cut the chicken breast into strips so I would not have to sit and cook it so long.

Hubby and I were kinda joking about how broken down our health is, and that I am doing the best I can, to do what needs to be done, cooking and cleaning etc. I started to give him a gentle hug and smile, he gave me a big bear hug back, the pain was so bad I thought I might pass out. So sad. He knows better, he did not even think, he is so strong, and that is the kind of hugs he gives everyone, he did feel bad, did not mean to hurt me. My back is so fragile, and getting worse.

Today I am really hurting, from the weeding and the hug. I was so weak this morning. I knew I needed to just stay in bed. Without thinking I told him I would need him to help me today. In reality what I needed to do was take everything I would need into the bedroom for the morning and camp out. Of course I know how to do this. That is what I did. It actually felt good to be able to do what I needed for me.

I told him I did not need his help, (as I could see he was drinking and I knew it would not be good help.) He could see the pain I was in. He came in the bedroom continually trying to help me. grrrrrrrrr I just wanted to rest.

Be careful what you wish for cause you just might get it. hahaha

I must learn to think before I speak. Look. Accept. Do whatever I can to take care of me.

Thanks for listening, it is helping me process what happened. It is helping me see what I can change, what I can do different next time. This is just one day, one bump in the road. Letting it gooooooo now. :-) now back to bed.

peace
zinnia