It has been some time now since speaking about the DEPLIN I am on
I am going through enormous suffering
And am able to go through the day
I wonder what I would be writing if I weren't on the folate
If I am somewhat at a better place while on the DEPLIN
This I know for certain

The depression is still alive
Not as intense I guess because of the
changes my brain has gone through
and are leveling out
It is still crushing
It is still an emotion I cannot shake
Having to wake early is bothersome
My back is out of control burning
The pain so great
I look at myself and wonder
How much time do I have
As my body continues to fail me
Unable to get anywhere with my family
I think of Sammy
Relate to his feeling as a young person
Worried about the future
Rather than having fun
I was constantly worring
T is a tremendous burden I carried as a child
Protecting my sister
Or so I thought
There is no room
My brain on overload
I am in a frightened state over my child
Who is headed on a heck of a road
I could loose her on this road
I am in need of help
To help her
Her father giving up is not the answer
He needs to step it up and work with me
Not solo towards her
Meanwhile he tells me
I see it wasn't you
Does not make it okay
He needs to step up
I can only pray for her return
That may never happen
And weighs heavy on me
I am forgotten in her invincible world
Until she is alone and frightened
I am scared
And have reason
How can a parent let go of this kind of behavior
I will not
Hoping for a better day
The deep abyss in my gut gone
Replaced by a different kind of fear
Me