I debated back and forth about whether to post this...if it would just come off as cheesy and hokey...but decided that I really wanted to share this experience I had to day with people who understand the pain we deal with every day.

So...I was outside this afternoon looking at all the flowers we got for my pots on the deck yesterday (boyfriend was trying to cheer me up after my recent frustrations and disappointments with work comp). It took me an hour but I sorted them all out...which ones for which pots. I can't plant them on my own without a lot of pain so that's not happening today...will probably need others to help plant them...but whatever. Anyway...my shoulder was screaming at me after this even though I rested every 5 minutes or so...so I sat down in one of the chairs and put my feet up.

I had my earbuds in and was listening to my flare up playlist (a bunch of instrumental tracks that help me cope when the pain is real bad). It was warm and sunny...but breezy...and the breeze was setting my skin on fire. Instead of going in though...I just sat there and closed my eyes.

My arms, neck, shoulder, and hands all just kept burning and getting hotter and hotter. My eyes were closed and all I could see was red. Red like the burning fire and still I just sat there, embracing my pain instead of trying to push it aside.

Then as I sat there, eyes still closed, the red turned to yellow...then green. As the music continued and the colors before me began to change...I imagined myself spinning, twirling, and then dancing. Then the colors changed to blue and I just felt absolutely free...felt the wind on my face and felt completely free of everything and happy.

Then I opened my eyes and the flames were back with a vengeance...but I was smiling because for that very short period of time I didn't feel the pain and I was happy.

I then went inside and took a warm bath to calm down my now flared up arms and hands and neck. I feel like I have become something of an expert at distracting myself from the pain and pushing it out of the way so that I can push through and live my life as best as possible...it doesn't always work but in the right conditions I am usually successful at the distraction method. This, today, was something different. As hokey as it sounds...I embraced the pain, let it consume me, and then felt as if I was free from it...just for a moment...but it was a beautiful moment...and I wanted to share it with you guys.