I wonder if you should change medications....you sound so very frustrated and I wonder if your medication is blocking some of your natural feelings.
You have so much going for you. It sounds like you need natural releases from the strain of your job and the medication is impeding the natural releases. I could be way off base.
I used to be a child psychologist and handled pretty heavy stuff and also know how gratifying it was....
i think the drugs can numb us in a way that isn't good...and prevent us from experiencing emotions that are necessary to help us get through life.
Bobby