Dear David,
Your wife is your best hope in appreciating and living your life more fully.
Find a way to talk to her. Get a few hours of quiet time twice a week.
Find a way to get those few hours in your lives.
This is really vital for you (and for her). She needs you.
You don't have to beat yourself up for drinking. You will stop when you are ready. You will.
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Originally Posted by David McCallion
Its not hat i dont want to be with my wife i just feel my mind is so interactive with external thoughts i cant switch off and give her the attention she deserves.
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This concerns me. Are you having what we call racing thoughts? Break through mixed moods? If this is the case, your meds need adjustments.
The alcohol of course makes the racing thoughts worse -- if this is what you are having.
I hope you are ok.
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Since medication i have not cried for 9 months, prior to medication i cried every day for 16 months. i feel lost without this mechanism to extract my true feelings.
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Getting on meds is a huge change. Be gentle on yourself. You take care of other people. You can take care of yourself. Let yourself go through this adjustment period. I even sounds like you are going through a bit of a mourning period for your old life. It's ok.
Can you find a way to get your emotions out? Sing? Exercise? Go to a football game? What is stopping you from going to a game? Does watching on tv work or not (not a sports fan, sorry)?
I know some grown men (not American born) who get together informally every so often to play football on the weekends? Can you do that? Can you find a formal group? Just some ideas. Sorry if they are lame.
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When my wife and i got married, i used to go to FOOTBALL[ Soccer in your country/US friends][ as a male dominaed pastime in the Uk,... i could scream curse, shout, etc,,,, it helped me let off steam. Then the children arrived. and money for them came first, so i did no go to watch matches again. [ And my way to vent steam stopped]
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Men/boys watch violent or otherwise intense movies for this too I think. It works for some. Also something like Tai Chi classes.
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I Love my wife beyond words, she really is my soul mate, though at times like today i feel i dont know her. I love my kids, 15[ going on thirty] 13 [going on nutty professor] but we have no ADULT time in this house anymore,[ I should be greatful my boys want to spend time with us/ All the time] ....am i wrong evil, and monstrous to say that.
I work as a Housing Support worker [ social services] with Homeless males, predominately young men [16-25] homeless through, substance misuse, , criminality, behavior problems, etc.,,,i.m a bloody fool i'm meant to be reducing stress but i'm inundated with the stuff.
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Get the kids out of the house. They need to learn to amuse themselves on their own. Figure out an activity for them if necessary. They have to start their lives. Really, I wonder what your wive's concerns are. May you need to address her legitimate feelings.
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I witnessed so many deaths of relatively young people, carried their coffins, read their ullages...EXPERIENCED GRIEF . whilst my employers insisted i did not.[ British thing stiff upper lip- and move on ... rubbish]
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Can anybody in your work place send you to a GOOD counselor to learn techniques to keep your work out of your life? Out of your head?
I hope that my post doesn't sound bossy.
Stay with us.
You have lots to say.
Mari