My anxiety hasn't improved. It was worse yesterday. I just had a bunch of **** thrown at me that I just wasn't up to dealing with, but my anxiety is still fairly manageable working with the 3mg of klonopin.

I don't know if you remember, but I was supposed to take a big hit this month with a roughly $630 auto insurance payment, but my agent was able to arrange for that to be spread out over the three remaining months of the policy…
But I got an email last night reminding me that that $630 payment would be withdrawn from my account on the 16th, so I freaked out. Of course the co. was closed, so I had to sit on it all night and this morning until they opened. My husband applied plenty of pressure to "fix the ****," because he was, "****ing sick of it."
I called at 9:01am. Oddly, only half of the adjusted payment was due to be withdrawn, so I ended up making a $160 one time payment on top of the scheduled EFT to get things back on track. I'm going to have to keep an eye on things because I obviously can't rely on anything they email or mail me.
I don't even want to think about how outrageous the cost of our policy will be, or my husband's reaction to it will be, when it's time to renew it at the end of August. But of course I am thinking about it.


I received a text from an unknown number yesterday saying, "Hey." I asked who it was, but got no response. I have a feeling I know who it is, and the contact is not welcome. He was a "friend" I hung out with during my manic period when I was separated from my husband. Even though I was ****ed up, I knew back then he was a bad person, and told him repeatedly to stop contacting me. He resurfaced again trying to call and text me about 6 months ago and I told him to **** off again. My husband got angry because he knew he was a male I hung out with while we were separated. I'm not entirely sure if it is him because I deleted the ***hole's number a long time ago, but it's obviously someone I severed contact with for a reason if I deleted their number, too. My main concern is my husband getting angry again because it doesn't take much to set him off. It's very upsetting. I just hope that whoever it was realized I didn't recognize their number because I deleted it, and that will deter them from contacting me again. It would be even better if I was a wrong number.


My father-in-law is coming up from Florida, and will be here this weekend. I think that's triggering the big increase in my anxiety. I'm not terribly nervous about seeing him because we have a pretty close relationship. We're in regular contact. I haven't seen him in two years, but that's because he lives in Florida and didn't make the trip North last year.

I'm really worried because usually our visits with my father-in-law include my sister-in-law. I haven't seen her (or his mother or step father) since before my husband and I separated about two years ago, even though my husband and I have been back together for a year and a half. I know she didn't support our reconciliation, but I have no idea what her current feelings are because my husband doesn't talk about things like that. I don't ask because I really don't want to know. I think the possibility of having to face her and being rejected is what's triggering more memories, the heightened anxiety, and the OCD thinking.

We always take my father-in-law to the same diner on Father's Day when he's up north. I spoke to my husband and texted my father-in-law to let them both know I wouldn't be going. I really don't want it to be awkward and ruin Father's Day, I don't want to make my sister-in-law uncomfortable, and I just don't have the fortitude to sit through a breakfast with two of my husband's relatives I haven't seen in the two years since our separation and my s/s attempt. I thought making this decision, and making it known early, would help alleviate some of my anxiety, but it hasn't.

When I texted my father-in-law yesterday, I expected a fairly simple conversation. Instead it led to an uncomfortable conversation about my separation from my husband. I really, really, really didn't need that.

It was a **** day.

So far this morning, I feel a lot better than yesterday. I slept in, but still woke up like a shot with high anxiety again. It's about noon and I'm only at 1mg of klonopin, but that's only because I'm about to leave the house and am uncomfortable driving on more than that right now.