Thank you for explaining. I was never very good at science or biology, so it's been a struggle trying to figure this out and wrap my mind around what is happening. I've never contemplated this side of me before. I guess until something goes wrong, you don't really question the process.

I just feel like I'm broken, or in the process of breaking apart, and nobody can do anything about it. I feel like every day I am just helplessly witnessing my own demise. Sometimes I reluctantly accept that and other times I have full breakdowns. I know it's all science and bodily chemistry, but sometimes I wonder what I did so wrong in life to end up here.

To answer you Joanna, I have an EMG coming up in August. I have not had a nerve biopsy done yet. I am more than certain at this point that I am dealing with a small fiber neuropathy, but my neurologist looked at me like I was an idiot when I said that. So I guess I will go through the EMG and hopefully at some point we can get to the nerve biopsy and the SFN can be confirmed. I am having an MRI on Wednesday to rule out MS, I assume. No steroids as of yet. So far just the anti-inflammatory and the methotrexate. I was expecting side effects from the mtx, but so far nothing. But joints still hurt like crazy but it's only been a few weeks of the meds.

I try really, really hard not to be a baby about it. I think about little children who are diagnosed with cancer and lose the fight. Sometimes when I want to cry about how unfair this feels, I am thankful that I least got to 30 relatively healthy and I enjoyed my twenties. If things have to fall apart now and I can't do anything about it, then I am glad to have enjoyed life to the extent that I have. This sounds somber and I apologize for that. More or less just realizing that what is happening is not going to go away and this is my life now. Out of all the pills and supplements I am taking, that reality is the hardest one to swallow.