It was a tough day yesterday
Many things happened
It all started when I was put on hold for
16:22 seconds on the phone
She was still in the ER
First nurse to attend to care for my child
Nurse Rob when got that phone call
At 1:30 in the morning
I do not have to tell anyone what that feels like
All of her insulin she would have been successful
the doctor said if just less then a half hour before she went to the hospital
Spoke to Rob again in the morning she was stable
As the day went on
I had the worse experience of my life wit nurse Cathy
Who brushed me off a quick as quick is
I pulled a dress over my head
Put the food that was made for my two at home
in containers and shot over to the hospital in a hop skip and a jump
As they ate in the car
I rushed my head ready to explode
I was so angry
Each of you special wonderful souls
If I haven't said it a hundred times
Here goes
That phone call
Has been a fear since she has left when younger
This is my fear with Corissa also
My child distraught about life and not able to stay clean is weighing heavy on her heart
She sees no hope
Until mommy came down and took care of business
And I mean business
Told by this woman who in my opinion had no business being in the field she was in was just the pushing that button
I not only got police escort along with security to see my child
But to speak with the attending supervisor about the utter disregard to a patients my daughter
I understand the law but to give me just the vitals
Is she alive or dead
Is she breathing or not
Do they even know I was the one who called the hospital
to let them know what she did they had no clue what was wrong until I called
And then to be ignored by a nurse who could have spent sixty second with me hung up

She is stable
They gave her a bed real quick
Was in the ER for almost 48hours
And there were beds available
I am floored at the health care provided by some
very unprofessional manner
And a system that NEEDS REVAMPING

my father shot and kill himself around the block from our home at the age of forty seven that was thirty six years ago
I was nineteen already lef my home
Because of him
I have been in that dark place for about two years not to long ago not to Lang ago
All my children tried to off themselves at one time or another
And each time one falls into that abyss I try so hard to listen to the same difference
Excuses changed over and over again
I cannot do anything but let them know I live them
I would be broken if they succeeded
We would be broken as a family
Each of my children brilliant in their own right
Brilliant that is sometimes a curse

My child who was almost successful
Has everything to live for
This is not about mommy
It is mommy they call out for when they don't want to die
She is distraught in her early thirties was problematic in her behavior while getting ready to enter high school
A talented natural
When she was born attracted attention
And took that with her throughout her live
And lost sight about herself
Hung out with true thugs and drugs
Guns violence
This is what her twenties was all about
Helpless and powerless and was getting myself the help needed
AA my medicine
Living life on life terms
Not an easy thing to do
Especially in today's world
I care very much about getting the
WORD OUT THERE
IT IS POSSIBLE
ONE CAN LIVE SOBER
it is the ugly things one must work through
And FORGIVE THEMSELVES
THEY MUST FORGIVE THEMSELVES AND WANT TO LIVE
I know
I'm living it
Oh how many times just for a brief moment
The thought comes into my mind and think
No more anything
Just over
But is it really
How do we know
I will always be the rock of this family
When she seen me come around the curtain
She was my baby all over again
Today she is in a room upstairs

I want to express how very sad I am how
MENTAL HEALTH IS NOT ADDRESSED
I understand how difficult this area is for many doctors
We really really really need to look at society and see the mental
BOILING POT THAT IS GROWING OUT THERE IN THE WORLD
LOOK AT ALL THE PLASTIC SURGERY TO SUCH YOUNG CHILDREN
FOR SOME WHO ARE TAUNTED
by cruel children in school
For example
Ones ears may need pinning back
For the taunting has taken away from that child
And the parents don't get it or see it as a potential start of a difficult road of loving oneself
You HAVE TO LOVE YOURSELF
IT IS A MUST
it is the backbone of our strength
It is shown on different firms
Some soft some brutally honest
I will never give up on my babies
And will alway be in there lives for as long as they want me in it
I have come to learn my eldest has become a regular at a bar
A place where poetry is read and shared
She is on epileptic meds
And drinking a absolute NO NO

My son drinks
My third child who is in the hospital drinks
My youngest has entertained it to the point of blackout point
All tried to kill themselves
All stemming from a way they think they cannot change
the pain that has built throught their lives
The turn to numb it all
I know what alcohol does
It is my drug of choice
Not today
Not today
I have chosen to go through this day
Blessed by Heavenly Father and make it till I put my head down to retire for another day if Heavenly Father has me wake
A choice
Never easy
Never
Sometimes all I can say is
Heavenly Father the pain this family suffers
Will I get to see them get it without hurting themselves

MENTAL DISEASE
prevelent in the world
We have heads of countries
With young ones with the power to destroy the ENTIRE WORLD

some haven't reached puberty and rule their country
I think my point is understood
I'm not talking politics
Although it is ALL IN THE POLITICIANS HANDS TO GET TO THE ROOT OF MENTAL DISEASE

LOOK IT IS REAL
it can't get anymore real then to want to kill oneself
And to think it will go away
It will NEVER GO AWAY
it is just like any other kind of addiction out of control

How can this country no see what role they have in it all
And not do anything about it

My mother a perfect example
Worried when we were young in the seventies
that we were going to be drug addicts
He was right
Yet the one thing my mother did not see
Is she became a physican induced addict who is out of control
Was receptive to hearing "IT"
Did not want to believe it
She has had the trial of the "NEURO STIMULSTOR"
It worked
She is vacationing in her country Hungary and then to Italy where her exhusband who is with her will spend time with his family

Upon her return
She will resume the "NEURO STIM" possibility
Hers began with chronic pain
But that is not the point

Suicide and any cry out I take seriously
Very seriously

The hospitals need to get a better handle on the very young to the elderly and all those inbetween
Are crying out by acting out
They are released back into the world
Like my child a PCP user
And that magical liquid that helps it along
LEGALIZED ALCOHOL
NOT LOOKED AT AS THE most dangerous drug out there
I cannot do anything but call upon the angels Heavenly Father
and the Holy Ghost to be in their hearts and minds
That they find that glimmer
To look for it

What is the medical community doing
Sitting on their hands and look the other way

Let me not forget the very few who DO TAKE IT SERIOUSLY
I THANK

BUT I DO NOT TRUST THEM OVERSEEING HER
ESPECIALLY BECAUSE SHE IS A ADULT AND IS EASILY LET GO
oh I forgot insurance
If you don't have it you ARE not treated EQUAL
shame
For all the outpouring of well wishes for my family
any and all prayers are ALWAYS welcomed
I will call the director of the hospital and give recognition to those who helped my child
And to bring to their attention of the few who hurt the system
I thank you from the deepest place in my heart
To those who suffer as my children
My family
My sisters
Parents
And the future of this world
I pray change happen sooner then later

What is going on is this country right NOW
many who hate are ill mentally
Where is the love
Can we all agree to this
With a heavy heart
Love
Me

I am so lucky to have you all to hear me and be at my side
and help when I cannot help them anymore when I just don't know what to do

It hurts so deep and hard