White knuckling it - nothing fits better to describe his state of mind. The cats out of the bag, a few weeks ago I realised he's been sneaking my painkillers, probably at least 1 a day. Because I don't take the amount I'm supposed to take I hadn't really kept track of what I've got and how much I have left, until a few months ago I started thinking "I'm running out of these quicker than what I would expect" thought my mind was playing tricks for a while, but began to pay closer attention, closer, closer, and I've run out! only this time I know why, not an easy discussion and I tried hard to keep my calm

That was 10 days ago. He had been taking one every now and then over the years, the many rounds of dental horror earlier in the year saw it increase to well it's needed and then we hit July and it became a daily thing. So withdrawal from opiates it seems is quite different to alcohol. Not going to be an easy August with all the self motivating negative talk. It's hard to listen to so I can't begin to imagine how it makes him feel. I'm sure you all know the language and what I mean. eg I'm a fat lazy #### I'm a weak ######, cmon you lazy welsh ####### he is none of those things and it makes me sad.