Father
Brother
Mother Mary

thank you for the blessings i receive in my day

may it be
having to learn not all is to be accepted
only for certain
i can hold Your hand
and know You will never let go
how happy evil would be if I let go
You have been constant in my life
have answered my prayers
a mother who has no love for her own
to be taken as a threat
rather than support and hold on to me
this was never the case
to have married three times
all in the name of money
the root of all evil
instead of being happy for her children
is jealous
to have two of three daughters
who have made it this far without
HANGING ON SOMEONE and depending on another
to take care of them
to lie steal cheat is all i can remember
now we have grown
and we have our own lives
and still not accepted for who i am
i do not like having to try and try and try
when in the end a relationship she wants conditional
all my life
hoping for a mother
all my life
cry at times for a missing mother
a mother i have become
many to have wanted me and my children
though never trusting a man
as far back as my first love should have been my father and mother
instead i we suffered at the hands of both
something a child should never have to endure
leaving at seventeen from a father ho was mentally ill
abusing me and my middle sister
a mother who seen watched heard and not do anything
yet the little girl inside of me has been on a mission all her entire life
and here i am
in Your loving arms
have come back home
to YOU
holding you i must
persons around me
trying to pull me down with them
my children
who i love
having to let go is the hardest thing i have ever had to do
they know i will never abandon them
i just cannot live in the chaos as i try to escape it
i am followed
i was married once
once was enough
i had babies to raise
did the best i possibly could
a short lived yet alcohol problem enough to do damage to them
i turned my life around and turned to You once again
to have lived this long and not have the help i should have gotten with my babies
only YOU know Heavenly Father
again letting go of a mother who is feeling her mortality
and still not willing to be real
blame i do not
if there be blame it be on me
allowing myself to let others hurt me
not anymore
i find honesty and truth not my truth just the truth period
is a very difficult thing for many people around me and in the world
to say i have blessings are few from those i once loved
to have tried to heal the hurt
and only have salt wash over the wound
never to heal
i have come to rebuke much in my life
letting go of blood family has been the end result
and that child be my worry
a open mother i always am
perfect by far as i am human
and have had to humble myself
in order to heal just enough to make it
mothers may they be good ones or terrible ones
still a mother
i pray my children can see the choices i have made
the sacrifices i endured
were always to better myself for my children
as i put them first in all my decision making
now i have my grandchild
another generation to raise
in this cruel ugly world masking the beauty behind it all
i am a good daughter a great mother a true friend
and all that matters
my brother walked in silence carrying his cross
for my sins and the sins of the world
let me humbly try to do the same
in Jesus name
blessed i have YOU in my heart
first and foremost
amen