It is one thing to have a very tiny family
And having to block them from my life
As to judge another is not their right
To not have a clue of ones circumstances
And just assume they know what is better
To share as I have with my family and friends
Truth I have come to learn upon my own assessment
My time here on earth
My on personal experiences
Having no trust in any relationship
Starting with my parents
Because it all stems from my sick ill parents
Beaten, sexually abused put down never being good enough
For who
For who
I have come this far in life to understand many things
Married once I say is enough
Until I see and observe as the years go by
For the men and women who want sex money your everything
And I smart enough
May it be caution
Knew there is a broken family
Ours
I am responsible for
I not ever taking on someone and bleed them if whatever it is they had to give
And give they wanted
Always at a price
To say I let things happen and not take responsibility
Is just not who I am
Difficult I am not
Misunderstood for sure
But to put up with others and their know it all attitudes is on them
To know I still have two Children under my care my roof
is my priority
My family and friends are done bleeding me of the good person I am
To squash ones spirit for blank and giggles is enough
The TRUTH
the simple TRUTH
A force to be reckoned with
This just my experience amazes me
It has always been about the truth
ie; just looke at our candidates
Lies are of abundance
Prevalent in this families history
no doubt
Understanding I may have my own opinion is not the same as the utter TRUTH
am happy to say because of my experiences from as early as single digit age have seen many many terrible things and knew as a young child something was very WRONG
And I never settled for it
labeled the black sheep of the family
Always asking questions
Always looking for the true heart of it all
Not in this persons life
I unable to be conditioned by my parents
Remembering the lies
So many lies
Just never ever was ME
and thankful not ever allowing my inner spirit to wavier in my quest to better myself for myself and like who I am
This I have achieved
A very bumpy road it was at first and smoothed out as time moved forward
Now as generations have their own views
own views and beliefs
one cannot escape the TRUTH
And IT be the issue in every aspect of our lives
I am not here to hurt anyone or gain anything from doing so
It is not in my nature or makeup
In fact I have had to practice how to be selfish
Something unnatural to me
Not for what it IS
Perfect i know i am not but aware always at my behavior
A doormat I am not
To try and behave in a manner where I am not the cause
of another persons pain or suffering
In stead offering any help I can give to make life easier
for them if possible
I a product of such sadness and hardship because of another's unwillingness to be real my parents
and be kind is not the way of the world
I am humbled to say this much my children know of me
The way of the world today is freighting for the future of my children
They have a much different life then when I grew up
I tell my eighteen year old
If her phone were to crash
So would her world
It has become an appendage
Explained back when I was a youngster
And if I needed to reach anyone I would try to get through a busy line I would have to dial o for operator and explain the importance of getting through a busy line
There aren't any mailboxes on the corner streets
Rarely can you find one
No human to speak to but automated systems
How frustrating to the persons who do not have the capabilities to do so
As my eldest after brain surgery
Not everything is for the better
No human interactions
A disservice to oneself
This is as far as I go
and far as social media is concerned
I chose not to have Facebook
Not interested
Like my eldest said to me not to long ago
My poet has many who follow her wanting to get to know her
One example
When responding to a person interested so he said about her work
opened up conversation with his penis
you all get the picture and point I hope
Many misinterpret what I may try to get across
That is not my problem
However do I or we have to accept what the Internet has to offer
I was doing homework after my botched failed surgery
Getting the answers my doctor tried to excuse away
He was caught in many lies
All impersonal
But true
Befriending someone today on social media is a chance we all take
And voiding those or blocking them and not entertaining their
interest
is a choice
Just with a simple tap of a button
My child has her older siblings who express to her
as they are the millimium babies
and explaining how only decade and a half later
they too may not relate
Having found this site a few years back I have learned to weed out much unnecessary stuff
I have much to offer
And will continue to be real and honest about
Me
And let the rest fall off my shoulders
I have come to find many who I relate to and have had meaningful conversations with
However enough is enough
My mother
Not worthy of that title
For she verbally said she would never have had children
but because my father was to leave her if she wouldn't
And he then be the kind of father he was to me and my sister
Nobody to protect us
My youngest sister spared for she was a baby and ten when he killed himself
And a mother a month after his suicide had her lover move in with his son leaving his wife and four children
I
already gone
left at seventeen
She kicked my two sisters to the curb
And made his children her new family
Again it is what it is
And the truth
It isn't okay
I am sick and tired of the way people are towards each other
And me
And I do not have to take it
And won't
Me