Wide-O, I think a lot of things about you but "plain stupid, a horrible person" are both about minus infinity as far as I am concerned.

For sure you are "just human" and I really admire all that you do here.

Congrats on your up-coming birthday.

I hope that you can forgive your dad and yourself.

However, this is just a thought, maybe acceptance is a more helpful option. I have made many mistakes in my life (not just my alcohol abuse) and for me accepting rather forgiving myself for those mistakes works for me.

As I say, just a thought.