okrad,

I understand your frustration. You want to understand what has happened to your brain but it is just not making sense. It probably never will.

I'll try to address each of your complaints.

First, a minor correction for your clarification. It sounds like you suffered an mTBI, minor Traumatic Brain Injury. The airbag did prevent some injuries but still left you with the mTBI. Nobody can truly say what injuries you would have had it not been for the airbag. I can tell you this. It would have been much different.

My daughter was in a car wreck without an airbag, just a shoulder strap and waist seat belt. Her head did not hit anything but she got busted up pretty bad. It took over 3 months for her to heal enough to be able to start work again. She also suffered horrible depression. She hurt her neck. Cracked some ribs and fractured her sternum (OUCH). And, she was determined to be at fault when there should have been a combined fault ruling. The people in the other car had airbags and walked away without a scratch from a near head-on crash and in facts, ran over to her car and berated her as she tried to breath.

But, life goes on. She was slowly able to return to work as a river guide and ski instructor and ski program manager. It took almost 8 months for her to get back to a normal work effort. We wonder what would have happened with airbags.

I don't think you have face blindness since you recognize those who you knew from before. This is good. What you have is a weakening of the face to name connecting system. I know that well. I have lived with it for most of my life. For me, I see a face and think, "I should know who this is." but I struggle to put a name to the face. The challenge for you is that prior to your injury, this face to name connection was strong and did not require effort. Now, you need to learn some new skills.

First, you need to learn how to learn. You brain does not remember things the way it used to. This does not mean it can't learn new information or faces. It just means it will take more effort. Yes, it sucks but we can get through it. There are tricks that can be used to help us learn these names.

It can help to be up front. "I'm really bad at connecting names to faces and I really want to remember your name. I'm going to try by repeating your name as we talk." or something like this. Then, try to repeat their name as you talk with them. Most people are very understanding. They often say, " I'm lousy at names, too." You might respond, "I used to be good at it until I suffered a brain injury." Some will get it. Some will not.

But, If you try to repeat their name at each pause in your talking "Your name is ..... Uhh, Help me please. It's on the tip of my tongue...."

People usually appreciate when somebody makes an extra effort to remember their name. The fact you recognize their voice suggests your visual memory is struggling but your auditory memory is working well. With some acceptance of this, you can learn how to do it again. It will just take a bit more effort whereas before, it was effortless.

I lost both memory functions. My auditory memory function is in the bottom 5% of the population. My visual memory is in the bottom 12% of the population. But, my intelligence is mostly intact so I use it to find ways to overcome the other deficits.

The getting lost is familiar, too. I had just moved to Idaho 6 months prior. I had already memorize most of the main streets of a 30 by 10 mile area. It was easy because it is an agriculture grid with a road every mile. I just memorized the order. But Jan 16, 2001, it was all gone. I've regain some of my directional skills back but not all of them. I used to have a mental map that I could use to visualize where I was going but no more.

So, I use a real map. I put a full size map on the wall in the laundry room. The more I looked at it before I left to go somewhere, the better I got. I use google maps all the time, too. A GPS system in the car can be great, too, as long as it does not distract your from driving safely.

It will likely take many repetitions for you to learn and remember information. Fighting this fact will only make things worse. The anxious mind does not remember well.

So please. Give yourself a break and allow yourself time to learn new faces and directions, etc. Things will get better.

I hope you are getting some counseling and therapy. A speech therapist can help you learn new ways to remember. A mental health counselor who has experience with brain injuries can be very helpful, too.

A Neuro Psychologist can be a big help as they can help you define your memory and cognitive struggles so you can learn work-arounds and accommodations.

Be glad your personality changed the way it did. Most people have negative change in their personality. I have had that negative change with every serious concussion. My mother lost her 'sweet little boy' when I was ten. My wife lost part of her husband when I was assaulted in 1999. But, with help, I have learned how to make up for most of my personality changes so I can get on with my life.

One of the biggest struggles people with PCS induced memory difficulties have is simple. We used to be able to do so many things without any effort. It just came naturally. It does not now. So, we need to learn how to make that effort without getting frustrated. Frustration and anxiety only serves to work against us.

You can and will get much better, especially with appropriate help and support. We're here for support.

Keep trying.

My best to you.