David,
I think it takes a great deal of courage to open up and vent as you did here. I think you said many things that many of us just think but are afraid to utter to anyone, even our forum buddies.

The trade off of 5 years of numbing mood stabilizers VS mania....what a terrible choice to have to make. I don't know what to say other than, I feel such sorrow for what you endure and I simply wanted you to know I'm thinking of you. I wish I could make it all better.

Diandra

P.S. I am envious of the fact you are employed. I have not been able to work for years.
You must be good at your job if people are thanking your employer.