How time just passes on by
Never to return
Holding on to your memories
So much time in sorrow
Just when I think I have it
Something else comes along and gives me a different perspective
To have had to be receptive in order to get them thoughts
I was always and still am in protective mode
Ready to do whatever I have conviction towards a happier way to be
Why should anybody be unhappy
Why would anybody thrill over the idea that someone is unhappy and you know it and do absolutely nothing about it
What a terrible thought but true
I can't imagine why someone would intentionally awaken me at 1:00 A.M. in the morning
Really
I kid you not
I am not making this stuff up
To be up at 6:00 to tend to my granddaughter

Oh Heavenly Father
Let me stop this horrible thought to consume me
Allow me the simple joys you have for me in my day
My last baby is working
Enjoying it
She did it
She really did it
So proud of her
She is so grateful mom is in her life
And I love her so much
Doing all I can to help her on her travels
She likes it
That's awesome stuff

Wouldn't it be a beautiful thing if my daughter behaved like a mother
Eva hasn't heard from her mom in days
I put a sweater her mom got her
Really cute
Furry and fleece like insides
A hood with white faux fur around the hood
Says
"I wish mommy can see me in my sweater"
Crushed
Last picture mom posted shows she is a bleached blond
Nails done up looking clearly doing her best taking care of herself
Not a peep about her daughter
Why won't she call
Nobody stops her
No excuse

Yeah leaves changing color
Knees hurt from changes in the weather
Have no control over that
doctors suggested to move to dry warm climate weather
Maybe if I hit the lottery
Don't need all of it just some would make things so much easier
Have our own home
Have just the necessities without trouble getting it
To be lifted from the financial burden of it all
When I was working
We were making it we had the opportunity to go to the movies
To have to let my hair grow because I cannot do it anymore
I would have Saraeve or Corissa cut a simple cut
But cannot count on that forever
The changes I had to make when I got sick
Someone who had her hair cut every six weeks
The one thing that made me feel good
Had my kids then keep a simple cut
Now just letting it grow
And I can throw it up
Done
Don't bother anybody that way

To be screwed out of
Fighting it
Something is very fishy
Waiting to hear from the pension dept
The "early disibility retirement" because of terminology
I have not stopped
Still have a month it could take up to six months
To have once had a friend coworker
Not give me the informations of the person who helped her with the process
Her excuse
"You know how unorganized I am I'll look to it"
That was a year ago
Someone I helped on many levels
Could count on me whenever she asked me for help with anything
To have a name and number of a human being not the automated system and wait time a half hour
Is she nuts
She's nuts
This from my pension
It would be such help
I have declined on so many levels
So many levels
I have given everything away
My choices have hurt me in the end
But you see I had no choice
Not when you have babies who depend on at least on parent
Me
Now give up my haircut
It s.u.c.k.s
Me