They're reluctantly forcing me out at work. They like me because of my ability to handle customer service situations and my expertise with our systems in helping new employees fix problems, but they are forced to coach me on my lack of sales of new products.

I requested a copy of our company long term disability policy but I don't know if they will provide it to me. I called Met Life asking for it and they said I needed to get it from HR. My manager requested it for me yesterday via email.

I will actually get more from SSDI now than waiting until I'm 62. There is no way I could wait until then. If my own company doesn't want me, no other one would at my age and with my health issues.

Once I get the policy I'm going to have it translated with a disability attorney. With my tenure at work I should get 4-6 months of 100% pay on STD, then it reverts to LTD. I really need to know if they cover pre-existing conditions. It's interesting that we are not able to download the policy from the company website.

We are seriously short handed at work. They want me, but they don't. It's such a strange situation. They terminated hundreds of people a week ago when they cut out customer service positions in the retail stores nationwide. I almost feel fortunate that I have a way out now. I feel sorry for those others that have lost their jobs or that must apply in different parts of the company.