THE FOUR WORST WORDS ...
To say to anyone in crisis or depression:
"JUST
GET
OVER
IT"
Just get over it? You have got to be kidding me!
Now, these four words could be said in a manner of kindness from those that do not know better. Those who love you. Those you live with. Lord forgive them; for they know not what they say!
But even with the best of intentions these four words cut deep -- deep into my soul, my heart, my confidence. Trauma of any kind is hard to process, to work through. It is an unexpected event that alters the course of your life. And we are supposed to "just get over it"?
Why? To make them feel better? Our friends, family, co-workers, and neighbors. Because if we get over it, that gives all of them assurance that nothing bad will ever come to them. It gets our problems off their minds. It's like somehow our dysfunctional recovery helps to create their denial.
Then there are the pity offerings. The phone calls, emails, cards. All with "Thinking of you," "In our prayers," "Call me if you need me" (which really means, Please leave me alone).
And then there are the ones who tell you, "I wish I could be there to help you. If only I had the time. If only I didn't have my kids, my job, my theater group." Whatever the excuse, they feel it gives them absolution. That by their superficial intentions, that they are off the hook. Please, I say, put your pity back in your pocket!
Funny, though: Sooner or later, traumatic experiences, crisis, even depression touch everyone in some way. Someday, somehow, somewhere to you or someone you love.
So please:
Don't take pity on me. Help me love me, be my friend, my spouse, my child.
Don't send false promises. Be real, be honest, be open.
Don't be angry with me. I am trying my best.
Don't ignore me. Ignoring doesn't gaurantee immunity.
Don't talk down to me. I'm fighting the fight of my life.
But worst of all, don't tell me, "just get over it," "this too shall pass," "there are some worse off," or my personal favorite: "jump back on that horse!" Because by doing that you invalidate me and you lie to yourself.
All I need -- all I really need -- is time, your love, a shoulder, a hug, a concerned ear to listen, and a soft place to fall.