Lonely, thank you for sharing your thoughts here - just to echo what others have said, you are with friends - nobody will judge you.

I have sometimes felt despair as well so maybe I have some understanding of how you are feeling.

One thing which has helped me is to reflect on recent things which I have enjoyed. They could be anything, eg "I felt good about doing something well in my day job. I found a very interesting article on the Web. I had fun listening to some music. I enjoyed watching some kids playing in a park.".

Your list may well be very different to mine which is fine.

This is just a thought but maybe come up with your own list - it might help you.