This idea haunts me to the core...suicide/resignation is subconscious as well as conscious choice... parkinsons is such a perverse contradiction ...existing in the fight/flight mode(till death do you part) but needing to surrender ones own concepts of safety tofind new ways of accessing the very juice/ the vital force that sustains life!!

I dropped in my mothers womb at 6 months gestation....so to keep me alive she took a neurooendicrine interruptor- DES (Diethyl Stiburol) and layed still in bed for 3 months....later I presentwith early onset pd.. I don't know the reason why i dropped but perhaps what iismore important is t hat the love of my mother saved me giving me tthe amazing giift of life in this time and place.....still... but begs the question in bioethics in medicine of quantity verses qualiity of life....when does one prolong life verses letting nature take its course in its wisdom. And now at 90 years old my mother exists with heavy opiod addicition to ease her coonstant pain of many decades...but, she also r esponds when I send her long distance healing, whhich is a tremendous gift for both of us... Managing nature can be a slippery slope.....and not without comprimises . I hate the idea of being a burden to o thers yet I am a caregiver foor my husband who suffered a stroke....and somewhere have lost a part of myself iinn that process... Thing is ..when there are deeply ingrained patterns, ancestral and otherwise we arebeing a sked to reach deep....way back into decisions that twere made by someone else..(its' not a sacrifice when we make the choice) sigh....bad and selfish as this sounds...does some part of me in my subconscious resent her choice to save my life -I certainly don't chose that position consciously. Thinking about it further my mother may have resented me though she denies it vehemently which just confuses me after having a dream where sshe told me I was keeeping her from doing what she wanted to do...not to mention that she left me with a babysitter at 2 weeks old for two weeks to take a break (she says she waited so I would have a good start...... wheres the maternal instinct in that???)

Thanks for listening...........