I see my neurologist tomorrow. He's wonderful. I have a lot to talk about at this appointment and I'm interested in what kind of input I'll get. I really don't want to have to get another MRI because I've had a million, it won't influence the treatment he will prescribe, and I have an outstanding bill with the company who performs them. I hope that he will write me a letter regarding the difficulty I have accessing my apartment. I already have the one from my PCP, but it can't hurt to have 2.

There was almost no ice to contend with yesterday. I got an early start, and was able to get my errands done easily

I got in the laundry room first this morning, so I'll have plenty of time to get it out of the way before the haircut I've been looking forward to. I'll be right down the road from a store where I need to buy a gift certificate… the last Christmas-y thing I have to buy… so that's pretty convenient.

I'm still using my e-cigarette, but I started stealing about 5 of my husband's cigarettes a day and am having a hard time quitting entirely. I think part of the problem is that you're supposed to smoke an e-cigarette the same way you would smoke a regular one so that you're getting the same amount of nicotine, and I haven't been doing that. So, I'm going to pay attention to how I smoke one of my husband's crappy cigarettes today to see how many puffs I take, and how long I take between puffs, etc. Maybe that will help. I really do like the e-cigarette- more than cigarettes- this is an obvious psych problem. Anyway, I will keep trying…

We could get groceries delivered by a rather expensive store for a fee, so using their service is out of the question. I've made food shopping a little bit easier on myself by finally stopping bringing in bags. I think I will be doing my food shopping very early Thursday morning to avoid the anxiety caused by too many people, too many ***holes.

I had an RN caseworker for 3 months after I was discharged from the psych hospital last time. When I came down, she discharged me because I'm high functioning and able to coordinate my own care. My insurance company keeps calling me trying to get someone back in here to evaluate me because of all my medical problems tho. But I know that there's nothing that they can offer me that I can't do for myself.

I'm not interested in a social worker. I don't qualify for home services because I'm not "home-bound," and we don't qualify financially for services and programs. So, there's nothing a social worker could do for me either. He/she would just be another person to tell me I would be better off if I got divorced, and I'm not interested in getting divorced.

I know that my marriage isn't healthy, I'm being emotionally/verbally abused, and that I'm a codependent. It isn't all bad though. I love my husband very much. We have a strong connection, have good times, and are mostly comfortable together. Unfortunately he doesn't usually do anything positive that's really noteworthy, and you guys just hear the bad **** when I have to vent. I will look for some positives to share with you guys in the future.