I have been "wandering " around this forum in invisible,elusive mode since my somewhat untimely "outburst." Not that I am lurking in any sinister way,but wanted to keep up with you all without making my presence too obvious.However,your post really spoke to me and I am compelled to respond.
The replies you have had too,are moving,spoken with empathy,understanding and honesty.They surely are an encouragement,a support,and more importantly a great comfort...such is the pricelessness of this forum.

I can relate to everythng you say,even to the point of truly understanding the seriousness behind the "joke" with your pilot friend. And yes, we trundle along quite merrily for much of the time,coping with this,dealing with that,expending our energies on new strategies to manage this problem,that problem.Having pd is indeed a full time occupation.

And while we are busy doing this and that Ann ,it can almost "protect" us to some degree ,of the harsh cold facts that go with this disease.It is only when something stops us in our tracks,that the cloak of realisation,fear,futility,sadness,loss of ourselves, is slipped over our shoulders and makes us shudder.And self introspection naturally follows.

It is almost as if we momentarily lose our "place" in life.To me it is as though we are drifting aimlessly for a while,searching for some point of familiarity,something that connects us to our past lives.And of course we can`t do that easily.We have changed...our lives have changed...our routines and methods have changed.And it is a scary,lonely place to be.

But you know what,Ann. I believe we live by Seasons. I have said this to others when they have found themselves in a similar place.And the hopeful thing about "Seasons" is their ability to ebb and flow bringing with them different colours,textures,moods. And for certain,you will pass through this season into another, and things will be brighter.Something will renew and rekindle your hope,your fight,your courage.Someone will need your wisdom,your understanding, Something will reignite your sparkle and you will see yourself in a different light again.

I so feel for you at this moment in time.And I am praying that "this " season will not be a lengthy one...but that soon you will feel the energy and spirit that is You..return. For whilst Pd can wreak havoc on our body, it cannot break our Spirit.