hey,

i was just wondering if there is anyone on the board who has suffered a steady stream of head injuries? not that that's worse than one MAJOR head injury...i just need someone to relate to.
i wasn't honest in my first post...i was never a boxer. i just didn't think anyone would believe me. but here's my real story...
i am now 32. finally sober.
i used to be a violent alcoholic (stems from ptsd - my parents were both crack addicts and i went through/saw a lot of things (the biggest thing was neglect. but also involving physical abuse - i.e. to be relevant : @ around 8, having a metal hook from a speed bag thrown at my head, cracking it open, almost knocking me out.)
even before the alcohol, i used to cope by punching myself in the head (repeatedly, up to 20 times. i did this in high school up to my mid 20's more times than i can count. i don't know if i could have concussed myself this way? i would punch myself until i was literally woozy & dizzy).
i then started getting into street fights. only thing is, it was just another form of self-harm (i am also barely 5'7. 140 lbs). as i would go against the significantly bigger, and just go into them blindly (no guard) and get the crap kicked out of me. this has happened about a dozen times. 3 of these times involved two men, two men and then three men respectively - all of them punching & kicking my head. i have been knocked out a few times. my head is all lumps and bumps. i am missing a tooth. my nose is extremely crooked. i have scars above my lip and just above my chin.
i have also been assaulted on the street. the worst was when i was punched in the back of the head. that knocked me out.
and of course i've had so many alcohol related accidents. slips, falls, etc. that have involved me smacking my head against the pavement (last year i was knocked out in front of a store in the downtown area of my city...and ended up home in my underwear , bleeding profusely from the head and not even knowing what happened. until i slowly pieced it together over the course of a few days).
this summer three men beat the heck of me on the footbridge about 20 feet from that very same store. i was knocked out. kicks to the head were involved. that is what kickstarted me to finally quit my 10 years of alcoholism...i finally full quit last month with outpatient treatment and now AA. it's very, very hard. but it had to be done.
i never ever let a single concussion heal. i just drank in between them. my worst spat of head injuries was between 20-23, when i had a whopping 9.

basically at this point i feel like a complete vegetable (i can't read for longer than 2-3 mins without having to give up...no concentration...i just zone out msot of the day) & i am sure my i.q. is below avg... and i am a psychiatric mess. i have this underlying anger and i am an emotional wreck & alternate between manic and depressed (i am not bipolar)...i'll be up for 30 hours and only sleep 3...this will go on for days until i finally get 6-7 hours of sleep. i wake up with such bad anxiety that i feel like i need to be hospitalized.

i started taking b-vitamins (methyl) & fishoil a couple of months back. not really seeing any benefit yet. but i will not stop trying.
i tried lexapro but it was making me go into terrible panic attacks and making my depression worse (i was suicidal for about 3 weeks after that last concussion. thankfully that horror show is over. but i still get random urges - like they just pop in my head...same with thoughts of violence. it's very scary).
I know CTE is a dirty word around here...but man (i know, Mark...i am just saying).
i know my problems are not worse than anyone else here...i just want to know if there's anyone similar in the sense that they've had basically a steady stream of head injuries for nearly two decades and how they are coping...i can't be the only one.

thank you.