I'm home, I forgot to add my stats dropped so low they ended up putting me on oxygen & I was connected to the heart monitor all night. I was put in the Observation Ward which is connected to the nurses station, it's like PCU. The embarrassing thing is I had to share with a male, a very nice man who it turns out we knew each other as children, went to the same school and still know many of the same people. Anyhow what's embarrassing is with the epidural it affects bladder control. At 3am I awoke and knew I needed to go, leapt out of bed but because I was connected with a drip, heart monitor and oxygen by the time I managed to disconnect everything the bladder had begun to flow. So there I am stood frantically trying to disconnect, stuffing the hospital nightie between my legs along with towels they have hanging on the bedside table. And of course I crying. The male patient trying hard to pretend he is not aware of the embarrassing situation occurring. The nurse came, helped me, but it was too late. She kindly helped me wash, got me a new nightie and gave the floor a quick wipe. The good news was I didn't wet the bed as I'd managed to get out in time.

The bad news is the problem is still occurring & yesterday afternoon here at home I leapt from the couch but didn't make it in time so I then had to mop the floor from the living room to the toilet. Then last night about 2am same thing again, leapt out of bed & as soon as I stood it just started to flow, by the time I got to the toilet it had flowed down my legs and to the floor, so at 2am there I am again up with the mop & bucket washing the floor, having yet another shower and in general hating myself. I don't think the epidural has worked as well as they had hoped, I've got the same stabbing sensation in my upper back only it's not as bad as it was. It keeps coming in waves and I would say the pain score at present is about a 5. Yesterday I thought it seemed to be working, maybe having had to mop the floor twice has exacerbated it??

I didn't know where to go from here, will go see my GP this week and request she refer me to a cardiologist. I'm so over everything right now. DB made me breakfast then put himself back to bed, he made no effort to help me yesterday clean up nor again last night. I got up to find the kennels hadn't been tended to so I did them along with the cat run, did a load of washing, emptied the dishwasher, tended to the 2 older dogs injuries (cuts that flies won't leave and we can't afford for them to become fly blown). I'm beyond empty, I can't see the point in anything anymore, I'd rather he did the dogs than make me a cup of tea and crumpet. It's like the old days when he was drunk and didn't get up, so I got up and took care of everything so the pub could open, even on occasion opening and running it until he put in an appearance. Drink is no longer the excuse, he doesn't drink. Maybe he's just bone idle lazy. He tells me his psych has said it's ok to lie in bed, I'm sure she doesn't mean all day long, eat every meal in there, but because she has said it's ok I'm mean if I say anything.

Feeling very very sad, the pain has returned & nothing has changed.