Originally Posted by mrsD

I have a strong suspicion that your time with video games is connected to how you feel.

Video games are addicting and also affect dopamine levels in the brain by depleting them. Dopamine is the "pleasure" and "reward" neurotransmitter.

We all have different ratios of neurotransmitters, based on our genetics. This is why there are so many antidepressants, as one does not fit all.

Bizi and others here are correct in that you must get professional help. Teen suicide is a very serious thing and only trained professionals can help you.

But it may be that you are squandering your time and energy (dopamine) on a useless activity that does not lead to positive outcomes or enrich you.

Here are some links to read:
Video Games Can Activate the Brain's Pleasure Circuits | Psychology Today

As a coincidence, this article just appeared on NT Health News Headlines, about dopamine:
https://www.neurotalk.org/health-new...n-bonding.html

This is also a helpful article written in common language to explain depersonalization feelings:
The 5 most common Depersonalization Symptoms

My wifi just stalled, so I am moving to the big desktop and will continue this post there.....

So here is a link to depersonalization:
Depersonalization / Derealization Disorder Symptoms | Psych Central
You have stated that you had this before your head injury, is that right?

There is one antidepressant that works on the dopamine system...it is called Wellbutrin (bupropion). It can work for those that the SSRIs did not help much which are serotonin based.

Your generation is the really the first to have such access to digital media and games. Most of the posters here did not have these outlets, so we learned to entertain ourselves. When I was your age, I read books often, and taught myself to draw and paint. Some do music, others sports, or outdoor activities like gardening, or just plain walking. Exercise is really helpful for the brain, so it would be a thing to try.

Every day you live is a gift, but it is not "free". It is up to you to learn how to make the most of this life, and when you do your brain can come around and change for the better. Don't be seduced by slick video games which are empty and hold little future for you.