I'm sorry you are in this situation. As good friends who only see them sporadically there is little you can do other than take steps to ensure where you go for celebrations/catchups is a relatively safe venue. And yes, take taxis or if necessary public transport. More & more taxis these days refuse drunk obnoxious patrons, particularly older ones as they have developed a zero tolerance having had to clean up their cabs/cars after many an accident & im not only talking vomit.

Spouses inevitably display tension not so much fear of embarrassment for themselves but anxiety for the partner, knowing the next 2 days will be often filled with gloom as the drinker remonstrates excessively. Day 2 after a session is usually the worst. Day 1 deals with the the hangover, day 2 the blues set in with the recriminations of what did I do. However unless someone takes the time to enlighten them (the drinker) they will remain blissfully unaware & more often than not consider the person telling the story to be embellishing the facts. It's easier that way not to confront your own personal behaviours that are a tad abhorrent.

You can try to mention it at a time when no one is drinking but you may find your friends choose to enjoy your company less. It's a fine line you walk. You could try to talk to the wife on her own, but, she may be a highly functioning alcoholic only you haven't noticed as your focus has been on the husband. Her demonstrated tension behaviour can be due to her moderating her own drinking for fear of judgement & she is on edge wanting a drink herself.

I can appreciate your concerns, as a group of friends here, we have one dear friend who is a highly functioning alcoholic. Whenever we (the girls) arrange catch ups, we now do brunch or breakfast. We are long done with nights out, dinners, late lunches or afternoon sessions. We have deliberately created an environment where we and she are under less duress, alcohol more often than not is unavailable at the venues we choose. We have all had many conversations with her over the years, it matters not, my last one wth her in a safe environment was terribly upsetting as she launched into this viscious tirade spitting at me I had "outed her" in front of our friends. I hadn't, she had overheard me talking about my own alcoholic husband and wrongly assumed I was talking about her. I confess I haven't seen her since, over 18 months ago. Not because I've avoided her, she just hasn't been out at the same time I have been.

I should state it's not that we don't care, we do, we just know that she has to seek help for herself, we can't do it for her and we are no longer up to having to witness the sad events - far too many to mention - we don't have to care for her to the extent our own celebration time is ruined, wet clothes, vomit in the hair, on her clothes or ours, hospital sits etc. Now we know her husband can pick her up sober & take her home where she can choose to drink as much as she likes in a semi controlled environment - more often than not with him.