Okay so where was I? Okay so what he told my husband and I was that by June it should be like the whole thing never even happened. No relapse at all, I'll be perfectly fine. Sure right now I only have control over my body through extreme pain and force of will, but I'll take two aspirin and be right as rain in no time... And in the mean time we'll completely ignore all the more minor relapses I've had that haven't improved since before or after my dx.... I'm in perfect tip top health according to this new doctor and completely losing strength and control in the left side of my body is just I guess it's way of taking a 6 month vacation and absolutely not the least bit of care or concern should be given to it.

Now as you can imagine my DH loves this new neuro and thinks I should have seen them from the start... didn't I hear him? I'm simply over reacting to excruitating pain and losing the use of half my body. I'll be perfectly fine in a couple of months and can go back to running marathons like when I was 23, and hiking and jogging, and wrangling horses. I'll be cured in 6 months... is pretty much all he heard from that conversation.

Yeah so that's really helping with my stress levels as my husband is at an all time high since I got the first suspicion that I might have MS. And this past week after seeing the new neuro he's been asking me every day if I'm feeling better yet? How do I feel about taking a vacation this September, go down to Disney, I might not even need to worry about the wheelchair or a handicap accessible room, just go down there and wander around like I used to.. or we could check out Universal studios we've never been there? How about calling up my aunt and maybe plan a vacation this winter since he knows how much I miss ice skating and skiing but after June I'll be able to do all of that again. Sure I'm in so much pain that I'm having trouble sleeping but I just got to hang in there a few more months and I'll be fine..... Just keep taking the copaxone like the doctor said and I'll be cured!

Because of course everyone knows that copaxone is a CURE for MS. (anyone new to the boards reading this let me just say the above statement is sarcasm and copaxone, tecfridra and other such treatments are NOT, I repeat NOT a cure for MS, as of the writing of this there does not presently exist a CURE for MS only medications and treatments designed to stabilize and repress relapses, and/or reduce inflammation which may result in greater damage if left untreated when a relapse occurs).

Which brings me to my next final complaint with the new neuro. Now I should have asked this of my old neuro but had my latest relapse not mimicked a stroke so well that had me rushing to the ER, then like all the ones before I would not have bothered going. As far as I was aware the only treatment for a relapse was steroids and I'm allergic to them. So I asked him in the event of something similar occurring again, but not imitating a severe medical problem which requires immediate attention, should I go to the ER or just suffer through it at home as I have in the past. Or is there something other than steroids that can be given to make it worthwhile for me to go. Because when I went down to the ER with the relapse they basically kept me for a day and because I couldn't have steroids they sent me on my way after messing up my medications and spending almost 2 days missing meals because they kept sending me for tests every time meal time came around.

His answer was exceptionally vague. Apparently yes there were alternatives that the doctors could have given me. But according to the new neuro it's not like I need to worry about it because I shouldn't have another relapse. But if I really wanted to know there were some proteins they could have injected me, and also some kind of injection they could have given me to stimulate my adrenaline glands into producing my own cortisone, but according to him I would never have to worry about it. But if it would make me feel better he'd put a note in my chart about me not being able to have steroids (like the note that is already there and has been there, and that I tell doctors and my family tells doctors anytime the word steroid, cortisone or corticol(fill in the blank) gets mentioned... that note, is what he'll make???) And again is only making to placate me, if I makes me "feel better". Yeah, cuz of course who wouldn't love their body to force them into the fetal position, have spasms so severe that every single joint become bruised from the pressure while their jaw is too locked up to scream for the pain their in as they fade in and out of consciousness for roughly 12 hours... but if it'll make me feel better he'll leave a note in my chart not to put me through all that.

Now before my old neuro left, we had changed up a bunch of my meds. Taking me down from 5 different muscle relaxants a day that were proving to be ineffective to 1 muscle relaxant a day, which proved to be equally ineffective but at least provided a mimcry version of the placebo effect. Though I know it's not nearly strong enough to control the spasms at least it was better than shelling out $300.00 a month in medication to still get pretty much zero effect, but it also left me with something that I could sort of trick myself into believing was at least better than nothing at all.

That was all fine until the latest relapse that in addition to stealing the left half of my body, has also expediential increased the spasisty. I went for a pap smear and broke the duckbill from a muscle spasm. Our family doctor is slightly curious as to how long it will take for my husband to come in with a "broken" or more accurately a severely bruised piece of cartilage after that whole incident. So the new neuro, gave me a look when I asked about what could be done to better control the muscle spasms, like I was being overly dramatic about the problem, like spasms aren't and couldn't possibly be so severe as to tear away at more than half the soft tissues inside my body. That couldn't be what's going on...

But again if it will make me feel better, I could double the dosage on my current muscle relaxant. After all he wouldn't want to make me into a zombie by giving me something really strong like clozapine. Told him I had already taken that one, it made me hyper and didn't control the spasms... Or something like Soma, told him I had taken that as well and again it made me hyper and didn't control the spasms. Well valium could be given but it's really strong and.... they gave me valium in the hospital and still it didn't control the spasms, or make me into a zombie, they had to restrain me to get their images. And he just gave me a smirk like I was full of it and told me to just try taking 2 of my pills rather than one I should be fine...

Well for the past week I've been taking 2 instead of 1, and guess what... not fine... not fine in the slightest.... spasms are still uncontrolled. But hey at least I'm not a zombie I guess. Just a hyper spaz, who can't bounce off the walls because I only have 1 good limb and it's my non-dominate right arm, which is not even totally accurate because the spasms have been pretty bad in it as well, but at least unlike the rest of me it doesn't seem as though they have torn anything just yet, not for lack of trying if the muscles jumping under the skin are anything to go by and the pain in the arm, but as yet, I don't think they've managed to really do any kind of permanent damage, but as the right arm has to take over more and more for the basically useless left arm, it's getting to be stronger and the strength in it is leading to more severe spasms.

And if the new neuro hadn't been so busy in telling me just how right as rain I was going to feel in a few months, but actually listened to me and my concerns and answered my questions in the same manner with which they had been asked, I would probably be setting up an appointment to see a pain management specialist to suss out what could be done for the spasms, which at this point are becoming severe enough that I'd be willing to risk the potential side effects of getting one of those internal medication pumps. Or at least going in for the consult and spinal infusion to see if it would even help me some. It is long since past time to find alternative to simply taking stronger and stronger doses of oral medication. That at one point I had to seriously pay attention to exactly what pill I took and when because if I took the wrong pill at the wrong time I could slip into a coma and still had uncontrolled spasms. That to me is a problem, and I have dealt with spasitic muscles the majority of my life if not in its entirety. It is long since time to do something about them, not smirk at me and give me a pat on the head like I'm some hysterical little girl who has a whittle boo-boo.

Have I mentioned how much I despise needing to find new doctors????