Beautifully written, Erin.

winic1, This isn't New Age nonsense. Please bear with me.

I've been meditating for decades. Unlike many neurologists, I have worked very hard to remove ego from myself (unless ego is useful). I center my day around love, for everyone's sake. Each day, I have a lot of synchronicities. Some people see synchs as looking at the clock and seeing 11:11 or other repetitive number combinations. Yes, that can happen. That can also involve saying a word at the same time a word is said in a show. Those kinds of synchs started happening so much years ago that I hardly watch TV! My family and friends have witnessed that and their shocked reaction is priceless. All those synchs mean is that I am becoming more connected to the universe, listening to it, interacting with it, appreciating it. Not an easy thing to do, especially when so many fairly horrible things have happened to me in my life.

A few weeks ago, the topic of hard-boiled eggs came up with my mom. Throughout the next day, I couldn't stop thinking about eggs. I love them but can't eat them. I had put in an order the day before for a grocery delivery. As I was pulling the food out of the bags, and putting perishables in the fridge, I found an item at the bottom of a bag that I had not ordered. There was a container of 12 organic eggs!!! Kid you not. The universe didn't give me what I truly wanted or could have, but a view of what was possible.

What I meant by thoughts manifesting reality is that what we think is truly powerful. That doesn't mean that what we think of or wish for transpires. The universe has a way of doing what it wants. But if we appreciate what we do have, and realize that we can't truly control our lives (yes, to a certain degree we can) or that of others, there is some magic within that. If we accept our reality, do our best, and love ourselves and others, I truly believe that life does become better. Although, not always in the way we want.

By reacting at the same level of hatred to those who are mean to us, we give them power. By reacting with love and kindness, we are neutralizing that hatred. We can only control our reactions to others. And to ourselves.

As far as how this relates to doctoring, I have found that when I take my ego out of the equation (even with doctors who have truly bad behaviors), and say things with sincerity like, "I'm sorry, are you having a bad day?" or "Is there more I could tell you that might help you figure this out?" the doctor responds in a different way than if I were to be upset.

What is behind being angry? Pain. What can we do to dissolve pain? Show someone more love. Yeah, even doctors need love. Doctors are often whipped into a frenzy of fear over lawsuits, losing their jobs, or not having a great reputation. And many of them are "left-brained" in their approach, which can translate to them being controlling. But they are human. What they might do is push that needy or caring side of themselves even deeper in order to be objective or more controlling with patients. But what ends up happening is that they go to the other extreme and act like brutes. I honestly believe that some doctors don't know how to be kind while being objective.

But we patients can't do anything about that. We can only present our symptoms, clearly explain how they impact our lives, ask for tests, or whatever else we need to do to receive care. And the more "neutral" we are, the better chance we will have of success.

Of course, there are times when nothing works. In those cases, we are usually up against a controlling personality who cannot admit they are wrong. CPs are essentially insecure. They cannot admit they are wrong or imperfect without falling apart! I'm serious. So look beyond that exterior of nastiness. There's usually a heap of fear and insecurity, which you can work with.

I love what Erin said. Doctors have surprised me, too. And I find that a true vulnerability and open communication with a doctor can make them feel more at ease. That reminds of politicians, who dig an even deeper hole the more combative they are, instead of sitting down and having a frank and open conversation.

All I can do is share with you what I know to be true. Only you can work through this very difficult situation you find yourself in. It is truly reprehensible how you have been treated. Doctors have taken an oath, but many seem to forget that harm isn't always removing the wrong diseased kidney. Their behaviors cause us harm as well. Their inability to diagnose and treat us quickly is very harmful. But, again, all we can do is deal with the harm and do what we can to move on and find better help.

I am sorry that you have experienced these difficult situations. But they are in the past. You might still be angry about them, but that anger is only hurting you more. I hope you can appreciate what I'm trying to say. I really want you to have the very best care going forward!


Annie