Thank you Debi for your post. It has brought me out of my hiding place.

I have not been very active here for a few reasons, the main one being I am not sure where I'm at. I'm not good with not knowing and it's causes me to go from cautiously optimistic to depressed in about 0-60 seconds. The other reason is I often feel like an idiot for my surgery choice and I've not wanted to admit it out loud. I also know so many of you have it much worse then me and I feel strange sharing my problems but here goes.

As most of you know, on August 9th I had a "Minimally invasive" spinal surgery. I was told 3 months and I'd be basically fine.(Well, wasn't that some joke?) After the surgery the surgeon told me he wasn't able to accomplish what he wanted but it would be fine regardless. My surgery was supposed to be 3 parts: Decompression, realignment and fusion. He was unable to decompress because the "Cage" he needed to insert that contains the BMP sponge fusion material would not fit due to a number of things I feel he should have realized since he had access to my MRI's, etc. Anyway, He put me on an opioid, upped my Gabapentin and sent me on my way to come back and see him in 3 months. (I also had a 2 week follow-up with a nurse-practioner.)

Meanwhile, I had been on the opioid for 2+ months (just 1 at night.) and wanted to wean off before my 3 month appt. I did and ALL of my symptoms were still there having been masked by the drugs. I went for my 3 month checkup very depressed and the doctor THEN told me it would just take longer to get my "great results" because he had been unable to do the decompression but everything looked good. He cut the dose of the opioid to 3/4 (1/4 am and 1/2 evening.)

Recently I went for my 6 month check up and according to my x-ray the fusion is taking well and there is more room for my nerve root. Whether it will be enough remains to be seen but the doctor is optimistic. He still has me on the opioid so it's hard to know if the surgery is helping or it's the drug which is why I'm not sure where I'm at. I will say that the last few weeks I have felt I'm stronger and the burning in the evening that I've had even with the drug has lessened. I just am afraid to get too hopeful. Plus the getting off the opioid is not something I'm looking forward to.

So, there you have it. I'll try to be more active in the future