That's a great example, and one that is very close to my situation, believe it or not. In the end, because of outside "noise", I had to cut my stay short by 2 weeks (was forced to really), and I would have *loved* to finish those. Oh, and it involved taking care of the dogs... It pained me for a long time, and could have turned very badly in hindsight.

I was so upset about it that exactly one year later, I asked for a meeting with the rehab staff to go over that situation, and they actually apologised to me. It's a long story, but it came back to me because you mention the "cutting short the stay". They appreciated me voicing my concerns and actually promised to change their "rules" so that this would never happen again. I had waited for one year sober to speak up so that I could somehow "prove" I wasn't just complaining for the sake of it (there was a lot of complaining going on in rehab ).

The best way to go in is to be sheltered as much as possible from the goings on at home (work...). I know that sounds selfish, but it is so important to be able to dedicate 100% of your stay to getting sober, that it has to take precedence over everything else. Most people aren't naturally selfish, but they need to be in this particular case - it pays itself many many times over later.

When you divide your attention - and part of your addiction wants you to! - you can't soak up the information that is given to you. When you don't get the right aftercare (like you say, treatment for PTSD for example), the chances are you are not going to make it.

I have seen too many cases where family drama during rehab made them quit or relapse. I know you can't stop the world just because you need treatment, and yet it is the ideal that should be pursued. There's so much guilt, self-anger, fear, discomfort, hope, mourning for the loss of your "little friend", self loathing, dealing with cravings, going on after you just sober up that you just can't take on anything else. You can't process much more.

A decent rehab should also involve reporting to close ones, counseling, explaining what goes on (without invading privacy). Mediation too. Loved ones are in a way patients too, and need help in dealing with what's going on. Rehab should not be a black box, that mythical place that turns an addict into a magically cured person.

We had no idea what rehab was, how to prepare for it. We were both scared out of our minds. I had been reading a lot about alcoholism, yet, as you say, almost nowhere did you read what exactly would happen there.

I was lucky in that I somehow figured out that being able to focus 100% was a big part of what would make or break it. I knew they wouldn't "cure me", they would give me 1) tools and 2) time to grasp them. I had closed down all my business dealings in an orderly fashion - which cost me a fortune, but it was money well spent - and prepared the house for my not being present. My wife works full time, but we bought things like a constantly running water fountain for the dogs and cats to drink from while they were alone in the house. Small stuff, but important. We did everything to prepare my stay so that I wouldn't have to worry OR could hide behind my concerns (!).

I had also decided my brain or intelligence wouldn't make me sober. Knowing statistics or being a smartass would not make me sober. Even though I'm a very private person, I wanted to fully cooperate, fit in, even if at first I didn't believe in something. When we were asked in "Creative Hour" to make a painting of our addiction, I went for it as serious as I could be. The normal me would laugh at that stuff (and many did), but I somehow felt that trying it *their* way would be wise. In hindsight I opened up as much as possible to their wisdom. To the other people in there too. I'm known as a difficult snarky person, but somehow I became very popular in there both for staff and other patients. I guess that was my secular way of doing what AA calls "admitting you have a problem and need help".

My wife didn't really believe in all that. She refused to attend the sessions with the psychologist. We fell out during my stay. I did so not need that at that point in time, but later on I understood. Ish. (also the reason why my stay was cut short). This is partly why it is so difficult for me to write about it. I feel I already said too much. Anyway...

So yeah, I think there's a book in there from our stories, from what went well, and what went wrong. Nobody is ever in the exact same situation, but just knowing a few stories of how it went for us could surely help people who are considering doing the same.