Gerry, I was never very religious but I did very much believe in a god and that things are not just random but there is a plan and reason even though it is not clear at the time. Unfortunately I have come to believe things are just random and mostly just luck, or in my case, lack of. It took much for me to pray but I was that desperate and for just a moment considered taking my life as this is no way to live. I wonder if a higher power heard my prayers. I want to believe that. It is a lonely existence without a belief and faith in something.