Well my friends, my stress and anxiety got the best of me and I could not handle it any more. I drank 8 beers on an empty stomach, and got drunk and belligerent to my son and we had a major fight. It was over nothing but just be acting out and he kept saying "You are insane" "Are u drunk?" After that I went out looking for a liquor store. I had no clue that it was 12:30AM I thought maybe like 8, and I was desperate and driving all over looking for booze. I was so outta it. I NEVER EVER DRIVE DRUNK! That is my one rule, not since college anyway when the coos back then would follow you home to make sure you got home safely for follow you to a diner to make sure you got some coffee. Nope, hard and fast rule, never drive drunk. Well I did, got pulled over by a cop, asked me questions, smelled the booze, and had me do some tests. I could not walk but told him I had neuropathy issues from chemo and could not answer where I had been coming from. Why he ever let me go I will never know but he did give me an $85 ticket. maybe cuz I was so close to my place when he pulled me over but I was obviously intoxicated. After that first beer there was no going back and the fall was hard. It was like I could not get enough.
This morning I called for a doctor's appointment. I cried the whole time and while I never mentioned alcohol I told him I was terribly depressed with anxiety and panic attacks. he asked about my life and said most people struggle with must one of the major life traumas and you have 6 or 7. I am so hopeful drug therapy will help as I can never remain sober as much as I have tried it is agonizing. I f*cked up big time and thank god I did not hurt anyone, crash my car or lose my license when so many people depend on me. lesson learned. Never again.
Accountability, right Icehouse? Day 1.