I was obsessed and on a mission. No thought, logic or common sense. It was an over whelming compulsion. It was terrifying.
I must never forget how the addiction comes back with such a vengeance. I had no control and even when cop pulled me over I was chill and thought "whatever". In my sober state I fear my shadow but with the cop I was "whatever" and chill. That is why alcohol will bring me back til I can get some control w meds. I hate meds but it is time. Alcohol either makes me bitchy and I can fight the world or I just don't care bout anything. I need balance.