I understand where you are coming from. To try to put you mind at ease, my being married to a DDO I know of the times when colleagues demonstrated compassion has lead to endless remonstration. Don't worry about the next drunk driver being let off, my experience tells me it's a rarity and their one act of compassion drives them to the brink with thoughts haunting them. They just don't do it again.

You would do better to focus on yourself rather than worrying about someone else whose actions are beyond your limit of influence. It seems you've suffered much, try not to let this lapse overwhelm you. I wonder if Metanx as Newtown is trying may offer you some hope. My poor old dad suffered terribly with PN & my SIL in rehab is having a dreadful time with it. It is insidious. I hope you are having a better week. Do keep us updated.