It's funny you use the word resentment. It's been on my mind all week.... only I think he resents me, he resents I'm not who I once was, The old fit me would have sorted all of this and there would have been no drama, no him having to do anything because it would have all been moved & arranged. He grew up never having to lift a finger, never cleaned, washed, ironed, cooked or gardening. It sounds like he had an idyllic life, I know it wasn't, it was full of violence, blood, trauma and arguments and so through it all he never learned a relationship is a two way street of give and take. So he resents me now because he has to make an effort and do things and he just doesn't seem to know where to start.

I asked on Monday would he be willing to go to marriage counselling. His answer was I've done enough counselling and I'm not doing any more.

I'm at the of my tether, after today I just don't care. The house can look like a rental gone badly wrong. I've got someone coming on Friday to take all the curtains and drapes for cleaning, they come collect, clean and reinstall. So once the painting is finished & the curtains / drapes are back in then and only then will I start to put things back how they should be. He will whinge and moan it should be done but unless it's him doing it, it's not happening. The way I feel, I can see me sleeping in the garage for all of winter.

The stress of staying sober is playing strongly on his mind he said. I know he's doing it tough, I'm very aware of that, excruciatingly aware. I can feel the waves of resentment coming off of him. He resents me for doing things he knows he should be doing & he resents me because I can no longer do them and by doing them it's making him feel worse. But if I don't do them, then they don't get done!! The Carpet layer can't lay on top of furniture, the painter can't paint a full room. I know this sounds harsh but if I'd know he was going to be so unhelpful I would never have agreed to the refurbishment.

With respect to something physical, he is supposed to have had arterial flow tests for his calf muscle, he won't get them done. His breathing is laboured and he's put on about 8kg. You can lead a horse to the trough but what he does after that is up to him.