Dear Eva, you are such a strong woman, despite our infirmities we, you and me, just crack on. There is a reason others turn to us in their time of need, and those that expect us to continue to be "just us"! We feel this feeling inside and it builds as those around us blithely carry on in life treating us we once were. The difference we are noticing is not their behaviour, it is ours. They have not changed their ways, they have always been selfish & manipulative but we were so busy being consumed with getting on with life we didn't take time out of our day to let them know their behaviour is unacceptable. So here we are, now in our prime, and we've been dealt a cruddy hand. Our bodies are failing, our minds are not. Now we see with open eyes and hear loud and clear the shortcomings we (in love) kindly overlooked.

It will not, and is not selfish to look after yourself first. Think of it as a kindness, better they learn now to look after themselves and each other while we are still around to give them kind yet firm guidance. Yes, you may have said hurtful words, but they are just words, not swords, it seems those around us have very thick skins, I doubt our words pierce them, it is only us who suffer with guilt after, they have already moved on.

I'm trying a new tack. For everything anyone does for me, I use simple words.
Thank you for your kindness. How thoughtful of you. I've stopped doing the small things which assembled building blocks & stairways to anger in my mind. I don't get up at 4 and feed the dogs, the alarm goes off and I hit snooze, twice sometimes three. I haven't fed the dogs for a week. But they are being fed, to begin with there was a duplicate snooze button going off. Now it's just my own. That warm body lying beside me is up and out of the bed as soon as the alarm goes off. Needs must - my needs!!

So dear Eva, be selfish and know it's not selfishness but a kindness after all. The old saying you have to be cruel to be kind, comes to mind. Only we are not cruel, just selfless.