It don't think it's ever smelled THIS BAD in the apartment. I think that carpet cleaners draw more pee to the surface, so it must be (at least) down to the carpet padding, and the ONLY thing that will REALLY help is pulling the carpet up. I'm not going to shampoo that carpet again before we move out. Nothing good will come of it… we can't turn the apartment over with it smelling this foul.

For now, airing out the apartment, when it's cool enough to do it, is the only thing that will help with the odor.

I went out to buy a bucket of litter yesterday because even though it smells like pee right now, it's still time to clean out the litter boxes. The store was a zoo, and I couldn't find someone to put the litter in my cart for me, so I ended up screwing up my neck, shoulder, and arm again picking it up myself, but was able to get someone to put it in my trunk for me because the cashier paged someone.

Afterwards I went to go buy cigarettes, and cried a little on the way home. I NEVER cry. I think it was mainly out of FRUSTRATION. The smell in the apartment is AWFUL, I feel like all the work I did in there was for NOTHING, I hurt myself yet AGAIN, and I'm just feeling OVERWHELMED.

Last night I reduced the gabapentin to 400mg. It was becoming a little sedating, which is usually a sign that it's become too much med because I've come down, and crying is a pretty good sign I'm not hypo anymore, too. I probably should have done it earlier, but I guess I missed the signs because my anxiety started to rise again and I am having problems with OCD.