Pamela, adding to Wide-O's great insights.

I play chess at a local leagues club.

When I was in the early stages of dealing with alcohol abuse I had one light beer with my meal and then played my chess game (which I won).

I reported this to my psychiatrist the next time I saw him and asked what he thought. He said that maybe in five years that might be OK but not yet.

I took his advice - that was ten years ago and I have not had anything to drink since, mainly because I really really do not want to be in that dark place again.

Sorry if this comes across as being sanctimonious (not my intention) but maybe this part of my story might help DB.