Not offended by any words here, harsh, pointed intended or unintended, I write because I need the help of others. And everything you lovely people say / share I mull over and adopt wherever / whenever possible. I'm only too well aware I'm not perfect and living with me and my crappy health is not easy on DB so I'm always mindful of what I say to him when he is in the throes of talking about alcohol. Which of late has been often. I try to remain quiet, ignore it or I change the subject, he keeps pushing and pushing saying what do you think Mrs E. I realise the way I typed the message it looks like it all happened in one passage of conversation. It didn't. It was much later when we were home and I had asked him what was wrong and if I could do anything differently to continue to provide him with support. His response was I'm just a sore loser. Later, I gently told him how his constant questioning of me about alcohol made me feel uncomfortable and how I feel it puts me in a compromising sitatuation where I feel I'm dammed no matter how I respond.

I can't deny a small part of me feels his recent talking of alcohol and pushing is his way of trying to engage me in a conversation so he can come clean and admit he lapsed. I guess it's why I made the comment drinking will exacerbate the condition. The medication he initially needed to manage the pain of his Barrett's and stomach while ceasing drinking hasn't been required for over 18 months, now he's back on it in the morning and the evening. Also, he is one of those who suffers with the burps. Every time over the years when he tried to give up drinking, I would know because he burped incessantly. Burping constantly returned after that recent weekend away and only in the last 2 or so weeks has ceased but his stomach was burning this weekend and I worry he did lapse and has done damage. While he may not have had enough to appear impaired, he may well have been having a few shots daily for a short period. We were told it wouldn't take much to exacerbate his condition. I don't know, and I won't know, I never will unless he tells me. He is a good man, we know he has his demons, but don't we all. I wish I could be a better healthier person. If I was well maybe he would feel he could confide in me.

DB has just phoned me on his way home from work, he is late, he's witnessed a car accident and the ambulance has had to come. The injured man has an old dog and no one is able to take it, the poor man was stressing in the ambulance. So guess who's coming to dinner. An old dog called Ruby is coming to us for an overnight stay or more until the mans girlfriend can come collect her. See DB has a heart of gold. 5 dogs tonight, 4 cats and I've just been told by the painters dont let any of the animals in the house as the doors are all wet. DB says she's old and can't go outside so Ruby will be sleeping in the garage with us. I think there a mouse in there too, I heard scratching and the painter and I moved a few things and found mouse poop. I can't say I'm happy about it, quite the opposite. Maybe Ruby coming will be a good thing, she can scare mr mouse away.