Quote:
Originally Posted by Gunny Fitz
Wow
Haven't been on here in forever!!
The SCS did NOT work so I've just been fighting my way thru life day by day, Opiod tolerance off charts, fell into illicit drugs to help numb my body and pain. Now depression is head over heels and it's looking like I'm going back into another Residential In Patient PTSD Program but also to detox and get on Suboxone. However, I then worry about my Cervical Spine pain and not having anything to quell it. This is all a vicious *** circle isn't it? And yes I've been having heavy suicidal ideations too. Last time I felt like going that route I'm lucky it was my mother's birthday and I could NEVER EVER leave the world on her b'day like that. Never.
So I hope to be in another program within a few weeks and I'll try my best to update myself here. Sorry to leave some of you hanging and thanks to those of you who reached out to me via private msg too. Means alot. Talk with you all soon. Hope you're all doing ok with your own battles of pain. God bless
Gunny
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To hear it did not work
So sorry
So sorry
As your mental state is critical
As we try and find relief of the pains we live with every second of our life to do anything for relief even those horrible thoughts I never thought I would ever think
But I have I cannot take action but put up with it like it or not having lived a sucide as my father a amputee took his life at the age of 47
I don't have it in me
But the fact that I even think it sickens me
How can I say in one moment I will carry my cross as it is my cross and another moment say I want out it's all to everything
I'm sick of the doctors who cannot figure out what's going on the pictures of hands and feet just stumped I can't make it just happen but I'm loosing the ability to use my hands and stand on my feet
And then I have a child who has nobody to take care of and manage to make it happen like it or not
She is getting older and will always be that teaspn to push into the day
Honestly I have no choice but to do what I was born to do
Raise and rear them
One other child my grand baby
Your furry best friend be your babies
Pam having all that love around her
Lots of work
But to loose into their eyes and understand them
Just awesome
I am praying for you that Heavenly Father touch you with a miracle
You did the best you could
The best you could
Funny
How after my second failed PCDF and all the things I have learned to just live with such as water like feeling in my ears
Just something I don't pay attention to
The things so many of us have to just live with
May joy finds its way into your Spirit
Me