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Old 07-12-2017, 11:21 AM
eva5667faliure's Avatar
eva5667faliure eva5667faliure is offline
Grand Magnate
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: new jersey
Posts: 3,523
10 yr Member
eva5667faliure eva5667faliure is offline
Grand Magnate
eva5667faliure's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: new jersey
Posts: 3,523
10 yr Member
Default I have so much stuff...

I have no control of
Horrible things
I can't even talk about
From my children
I don't know who they are anymore
And who they have become
Especially my youngest
Nineteen I had a job my OWN apartment
Took a leap into the world
Never looked back
Raised them the best I could
Forgot about myself as I worried some fool could do to them what my father did to me
Thought I was protecting them
Worked nights while they slept and my baby sister would sleep at my home and I would be home by 6:00 in the morning to get them ready for school
Not to miss me and this went on until I woke up one day feeling like I had a terrible stiff neck
As I continued and took my shower hoping it would help it did not
Made my way to work
It escalated to where I was rushed to to hospital
Crushed disk
Blown
X-ray revealed and all went down hill in every aspect one could imagine
Including the sexual violation upon me by a transporter and two nurses in my room
Then the cancer
And the botched job what is known as a double bubble
And my family who I needed as tiny as it is
We're nowhere to be found to date
Having failed second surgery to fix the first one took my life
And is failing as the days go by
Yet I still push
There is a child
My grandchild who needs me in every way
It would be so much easier with just a little help
And I am done asking
They all know
They were there to hear what the doctors had to say
What's left of my life is my own fault
They owe me nothing as I would do it all again if circumstances were the same
I do however expect them to respect and appreciate how far I went to help them go through life
Teaching them they are responsible for their own happiness
God to come first
All else will follow
And I am falling apart and have to not let my mind play on me
When I have only Heavenly Father to turn to
It is I who gets up and feeds her baths her teaches her loves and plays with her with all the pain that isn't seen by the naked eye
And my adult children know this
I do not look for sympathy
I'm not that person
I'm a do do do until done
Alone
Alone
I am tired
With a nut who lives above me and have had to go to court
Finally she will be moved
I would take children feet running back and forth over the sick behavior and I mean not well as this excites her to wake me in the early morning hours
As I cannot return back to sleep and I begin to go through withdrawals
Never never to take my medication when it begins but stick it out till 7:00 in the morning
My body is broken and needs rest when I retire
Taking it to the office and taking it to another level
New Jersey Housing Mortage Finance Agency made some waves as I have all the proof needed to show she's unstable may have been the ticket as this morning I got word they are moving her out a single woman lives alone as there are families cramped in a studio or a one bedroom with children will get the apartment
This makes me happy
For it is a very corrupt building
And I'll leave it at that
Never have I had to go through so much
Only Heavenly Father knows
Ashamed I am when I say I want to throw in the towel
But it is so difficult
I just have to trust my Fathet knows best
In him I give my trust
In him I will follow and carry my own cross and hope never to have the feeling of wanting to give up
Ashamed I am
In Jesus I trust
In God I believe
Amen
__________________
someone who cares
eva

Last edited by eva5667faliure; 07-12-2017 at 11:51 AM.
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PamelaJune (08-01-2017)