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Old 07-13-2017, 06:55 AM  
eva5667faliure
Grand Magnate
 
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: new jersey
Posts: 3,436
My Mood:
Default Speaking to my youngest

Wanting to know everything that went on as a little girl
My son who can't keep from getting high
All brilliant in their own right
And I say if it took 56 years for me to want to throw on the towel over my children is nuts
My son to want to pick fights whenever crap hits the fan
"Mom I'm not as strong as you are"
This is the crap excuse that is used
Not let me take it by the hand and do what is suggested
Instead he asks his partner to call 911 if he is unresponsive
Tell his partner that his behavior is the tip of enabling
He tells me he would never go behind his back
Whatever that meant I have no clue blocking him asap
I have zero respect for my boy
What upset him was I said
"I will support you when you get on the wagon"
OMG
NOT GOO ENOUGH
He needed me to say
"I believe him"
I don't
Not when he tells me I got this I don't like the rooms
So I said to him
I will NOT BURY ANY OF MY CHILDREN
my granddaughters mother released from a rehab
Because she is a liability to the facility after a x-ray that showed two herniated discs in the cervical area and I forget the termanology another finding cystic in her spine vertical
Gets her meds picks up a bottle of barcadi and winds up in the hospital on the brink of death
My eldest
A request of pictures of my dog sent on my iPod that was fried lost the pictures she sent me on the day he passed
Her giving me lip and not to ask her to do such as it is a trigger
I was furious
FRUIOUS
TRIGGER
TRIGGER
I haven't picked up a drink with all the triggers thrown my way
OMG
WHATS WRONG WITH THAT
have come to learn she like the sauce
So everyone of my babies as smart as they are have no clue
One day at a time
Not to let their problems become mine
Ya see when I need someone to talk to I'm told I can't talk
Really
Yet I must be available as they tell me
"It's my job"
Really
I will not bury any of them
And I cannot understand why I keep thinking to myself he (my father had to have been really inebriated and on many pills confirmed as per autopsy"
When I talked myself into it
I had no nerve
And thought
The drink made it easier
I "HATE" pills
HATE A WORD I EVER SO RARELY USE AS IT IS SO POWERFUL
AND CAN SEE MYSELF DRINKING INTO A DEATH
But praying for it to pass is my blessing
My youngest stealing momey from her father as I learned as she hadn't been home since Sunday
And thinks she can return Monday as nothing is wrong
Having sex in a another parents house
As in the beginning she was interested in women
Yup two gay children
No hanging with a bisexual girl and has begun to have sex with a young man who has sickle cell trait as does my child
And I have no reason to worry or be in fear a child not be a statistic and she become pregnant
That child has a 1 in 3 chance of living a horrible life of pain and eventually die of the disease
And I have no reason to worry
The chance of death all around me
Save us all
Save us all
How did you leave us
Is always in the back of my mind
Wipe it from me Father
Amen
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eva
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"Thanks for this!" says:
PamelaJune (08-01-2017)